Hi my friends,
How are you? It's about 1:30 am as I sit and type this.
I have to tell you, this day was busy busy busy. In fact, if I had three words to describe my life: it would be "busy busy busy".
For me, there's much involved in owning a small business and maintaining a busy clientele. I have to tell you: it's been rather liberating not focusing on outside work like educating for a major brand or managing interns, etc.
I find it sad sometimes that I haven't had the MONUMENTAL breakout I thought I would at 30, but truly, to be known in my community and to be able to make a difference is what matters to me at this time in my life.
Tonight was really awesome because I literally got to come home and make some food and relax. I brought some paperwork with me to work on, but before that, I sat down and turned on a guided meditation. In the midst of a deep moment where I could literally feel my soul swirling around my body (think of the times you feel you've had an out of body experience), I received a message from a friend needing some help.
I finished my meditation and placed my mala beads on the table and looked at my message. It was one of those messages that conjure feelings of compassion and a small sense of urgency to know what's up at that exact moment.
I called my friend and got the scoop. About an hour later, my friend met me at my home. As many of you know, I rarely let people into my home. I am super protective of my space. I felt the guard go down and felt at this time it was NOT my job to be a talker, but to listen. I just feel this deep need from the universe lately to breathe deeply and listen.
Last week, even though busy, it was somewhat challenging. I can't elaborate much, but to let you know that I had a screaming match with a former friend and client. It was late at night and I felt that the person came in with a very apparent need to attack me verbally. After a couple drinks in my system and in his, it became a commercial for a horrible Bravo show and I yelled back at him as he screamed to me the words "egotistical", "dick", "prick", "diva", "high maintenance".
He expressed to me that I am not relatable and that I am hard to get along with. This is NOT a new evaluation of me. I never knew a person that was powerful in their career or community that was prominent that was not hard to get along with. I think about people I admire like Vidal Sassoon, Madonna and Martha Stewart. All of these famous faces built empires and it was not because they were easy pills to swallow.
Nothing comes of people easy to get along with. Honestly, to make a difference and have a mission statement, you MUST have standards and MUST be a ball-buster. I didn't say you had to be rude and off-putting, but having integrity has gotten the above three major notoriety in their chosen fields.
I refuse to think that just because I live in Pueblo, Colorado and work out of a private studio that I am any less important than Vidal, Madonna or Martha.
I personally think my ex-client was having a hard day, we both had a lot to drink and he came in ready to attack because he had a hard day and had to lay it on someone. I was the someone.
Sadly, as this situation presented itself, I didn't feel I acted appropriately since I hold myself on such a pedestal of class and etiquette, but I do believe that if someone attacks you, you HAVE THE RIGHT to attack back. HE or SHE must fire the first punch or verbal attack and then it's gloves off to annihilation. This may not be the most peaceful way of dealing with people or conflict, but I believe that in every situation there is a winner and loser and I believe it's all based on perception.
Looking at this as a third-party, I don't think anyone won. I see two drunk, dominant men having a pissing contest. I left the bar and went home. This man attacked my Twitter account and business number with derogatory messages.
Did I take the high road? No. But I removed myself from the situation. I do believe in my heart I dealt with it better and the messages I received show that I removed myself from further engaging in stupidity and elementary behavior.
As I evaluated this situation and saw my actions this past weekend, I have always known and have always said to people, I know I'm tired and fatigued if I drink heavily. This past weekend was no exception. I hate the feeling of over drinking. We've all done it and all made asses of ourselves, but I have learned to recognize this behavior as the years have gone by.
If I'm yelling in bars, it's time to take a break. So tonight was a welcome break. Sometimes sitting at home and making meals for the week (and freezing some) make my day so much better. Yes, I am the happy homemaker at home believe it or not. I love prepping menus and working in my kitchen, it's calming to me.
I also love talking to my friends.
This man's behavior and comments towards me are so far from actually knowing who I am behind the facade and image I have branded for myself. He thinks of me as difficult when really I am a good friend and a good son. He just hasn't proven to me that he should see inside the glass house called "Josh Cooley". That is a holy place for people I deem holy enough to enter.
His hurt toward me is a reflection of me not making a genuine connection with him beyond drinks or a haircuts. It would piss me off too.
Although, when I think of what Vidal, Madonna, Martha or even my deep inner integrity would say, I can gladly and confidently tell you: I'm not for everyone. One day he'll realize that. I'm not open to everyone and my guard is up because I have no time for people that use hurtful words and brash behavior directed exclusively at me to get my attention.
I don't have to try that hard to get attention. Besides, my own attention is reserved to my business and closest confidantes.
Much love,
Josh
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