Good evening friends,
I'm back and talking about a hard-hitting topic that sometimes I fall deeply skewed in my own views about. I literally border on the edge of judgment when talking about it: integrity.
There is so much going on in my brain tonight that contradicts itself and that meshes all together in a cloud of confusion for me. Integrity, for me, is not always the most popular trait to exude to your friends and peers and also, it's the first thing people pick on when you fall from grace.
People will say: "I don't know what flew up Josh's ass", if I put my my foot down; or they can say: "Josh's head is up his ass lately", if I fall from grace and do not uphold my own personal integrity.
See how Catch 22 this area of life can become?
Let's look at three definitions of integrity:
1. the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles.
2. the state of being whole and undivided.
Finally, 3. a concept of consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations and outcomes.
Whew!
This is a biggie!
Basically with me being a Virgo, I can tell you that integrity slides on the edge of being discriminatory, sometimes judgmental and often times, critical in order for me to make conscience and morally-acceptable decisions for my own existence.
Here's what the "Joshtionary" says about integrity:
1. No secrets, no lies, always blatantly honest even when not taken popularly (especially) in decision making.
2. Knowing for sure the difference between right and wrong.
3. Being consistent in matters of lifestyle choices, ethics in business, and personal relationships.
My integrity sometimes turns into my most hated character trait. I have oftentimes lost friends because of it.
Recently, I read a quote from Iyanla Vanzant that said when you love someone and they're behavior is unacceptable, you should tell them about it.
There is so much in my brain at this moment when I think about my close friendships and life in terms of personal confidantes and acquaintances.
One thing that sections me off from getting to know people is the fact that I am mentally sifting out their bad and their good traits from the first verbal exchange and their body language. There is no scale, no universal measure that is used except my own discretion. One might say, I judge and critique too fast, I would say that I am working out if this is a good connection to have in my life or not.
One friend of mine recently told me that I was no fun to hang out with for the mere fact that I am negative and critical and do not like to have fun. Well, what defines "fun"?
For me, meeting new people in a crowded club with shirtless boys is no fun: it's fucking bonkers and does my head in. It's not my scene.
Another friend recently told me that if I ever wanted to be happy I would have to accept that nobody is perfect and until I see that, I will either be alone or have to drop my standards. This may explain why she bangs anything that buys her a drink.
Lastly, I have had business coaches tell me through the years that just because someone complains doesn't mean they don't like me or respect me, but that I need to be open to change. That's all cool, but what about them?
In reading these above examples, you may be thinking: "Josh, you need to take a chill pill and quit being a fucking prude."
If you thought that, I have to question YOUR idea of integrity... maybe our standards are not weighed the same.
As you see (in that slightly confrontational sentence), integrity is weighed and understood differently to each and every individual.
So, let me sum up the good parts of being "picky" and listening to my integrity: it shows me all I need to know about me. It shows that I have very high expectations and that even I can affirm to you all that it's not always so welcoming getting to know me or for me to accept others. (I didn't see it til I proof read, actually)
The other thing I can tell you about integrity is this: it's always going to be questioned and up for debate.
In short, integrity is a line in the sand for anyone and all your connections. Either people will agree with your decisions or they will not.
A clear sign of a bad connection in your life is if someone gets defensive with you and you are merely exercising your integrity and listening to your moral compass. Those people that get angry and agitated are probably not a good fit for you... in any close capacity.
See why I called this subject "complicated" and "contradictory"?
-JRy
Got a topic you want me to tackle? email me jcooley@fastmail.co.uk or tweet me @studiojry
