A lot of people ask me my opinion regarding many subjects, things, places, etc and I wanted to create a place where I could give life to my feelings on those subjects.
Tonight on Facebook and Twitter, I asked what subjects the readers would love to see me "sound off" about. There's a lot of subjects in the world and alot of things that I would love to talk about. The coolest part about asking me about one, singular subject is that I cannot stop telling you about it in the most descriptive way I can possible. I'm very uncensored in my views and I believe that EVERYTHING has rules attached to it in life.
I got a lot of Facebook friends asking me to talk about betrayal and heartbreak and some "deep" issues. Since this is the first official entry of "JRy Takes On..." I wanted to dive into the essay-pool with something a bit lighter, if you will.
Honestly, to answer anything about betrayal later on in the blog, I have to start with my idea of...
FRIENDSHIP.
According to Google, "Friendship" is defined as the state of being friends. See also the following synonyms: association, bond and tie. There are many others, but let's look at the first three that pop up on Google search.
For me, the Joshtionary of friendship is:
1. Someone you would like to "break bread with"
2. Someone that has your back no matter what.
3. Someone you welcome willingly into your life.
I find those three criteria the best when I'm calling someone a friend. Now, for me, being in the public and knowing so many people, I have a lot of peers that call themselves my "Friends". Anyone that knows me, knows that I use that term loosely. I use the term "peers" because it's very vanilla, it's very proper and it shows no connection whatsoever. A peer to me is someone that is in your social circle, profession or life just because. Sometimes its business, and most peers do not have the opportunity to share pleasurable experience with me.
A friend is someone I can cuss around, eat around, talk about my family around and I know that they won't hold any of that shit against me. A peer or a business associate does one of the following things: 1. Judge you or 2. Throw you under the bus.
For me, my life is full of friends. I have a handful of great, intimate friends with my personal phone number, that have seen my home, that are welcome to eat and drink with me and have seen me ape-shit angry at least once.
Not all peers or business associates can handle those situations. A true friend that happens to work with you or is your client can! Luckily, I've been blessed with people that enjoy my company and over-opinionated mouth.
The sad part of welcoming people into my inner circle is that I often fall prey to a few "Snakes in the grass", just like many of you reading this. The saddest thing is when you open your heart to someone and they use your words or emotions against you. I think this is one of the most asshole-ish things you could possibly do! (see: betrayal in future blog).
Let me elaborate on what Google says...
ASSOCIATES or ASSOCIATION.
To me, an "associate" is NOT a friend. They can be "friendly" (adverb) with you, but they don't necessarily become your friends. You keep things relatively cordial when you see these people, the contact is very limited and it's always good to see associates because you don't exchange thoughts with them daily.
BOND
True, a good friendship has an invisible bond, much like a hair elastic that keeps all the little strands of verbiage, gossip, tantrums, late night hamburgers and happy hour confessions neatly bound together to the follicle that is your life. If that band BUSTS or breaks, we are devastated, why? We're devastated because we now have random "hairs" (trusted inhibitions) all over the place because the bond is gone. This bond in all relationships is called, "trust". Without the bond [trust], there is no ponytail... you know, friendship [it's a metaphor, people].
TIE
See "bond" above, just kidding....
A tie is more like something common that brought the pair of you together. Tie is most commonly seen in today's culture as the term "mutual friends" on Facebook. Have you ever been friends with someone for so long in real life and then you realize you know 800 of the same people? Why haven't you all hung out together? Wanna know why? There's a fear of breaking the special "bond" you have. Most of the 800 people you know mutually are just associates (see above). Ties are cool, but not so important. They can be cut faster than that fat ponytail you two are rocking!
NOW, let me elaborate on the Joshtionary terms of friendship:
#1. BREAKING BREAD
As the son of a world-class cook and amazing chef, I have heard the term "breaking bread" my whole life! As the grandson of a super religious Catholic-based family, I am haunted by the guilt of bringing someone to dinner that is NOT WELCOME. I was taught a long time ago that eating a meal with someone means a lot! When you cook for someone, you infuse love and your energy into your meal. Your company eats this energy and they say, "oh Mom Yvonne. That warmed my heart!"
In my case, my company says, "Oh Josh. What great bread in butter!"
Just kidding, try vodka, but I digress.
I have a rule. I do not tell intimate details to people I would NOT break bread with. I don't share meals with gossips, homophobes, overly religious, snakes in the grass, fake bitches or past enemies. Remember the energy thing? Yep. I'm eating yours and you're eating mine. I only invite people I love out to eat. There are family members that I will NEVER eat with. Sad, but true story.
#2. HAVING YOUR BACK
A good friend is a good friend for a reason. Remember the "bond"? We called that bond "trust". If there is NO TRUST, there is NO FRIENDSHIP. That's a peer or associate. Truly, as I type this, I am not sure 70% of my friends have my back. A friend will stick up for you no matter what you do! You don't have to be standing in the room with them. A true friend lives, breathes and shits the philosophical-psyche bond you have created together. IF someone tests that bond and your friends takes the OUTSIDER's side or defends them, they have betrayed you. Cut this person's privileges out of your bond. The first thing I do is STOP paying for anything. I no longer pick up the check at restaurants. I go dutch. I no longer buy more than one drink at the bar, I also start to limit my contact.
If you don't have my back, we have a problem!
#3. WILLINGNESS
Let's face it: we don't always LOVE our family members. Sometimes Thanksgiving feels like the Olympics at my house! We have the emotion category, the passive-aggressive dig category, the guilt category, the one-upper category, you get it. I have cousins and uncles that have mastered this shit show!
When we welcome a friend into our life and years go by, we start to do weird shit like let them babysit our kids and drink off our glasses or try a piece of our chocolate bar. Women start comparing boob sizes and gay men start showering together (haha--- just making sure you're paying attention). The point is, we do things with these people that are more intimate than we do with our own family and at some point, our friends feel like our adopted familia (que bueno!).
When you willingly open your heart to people, you will find that the conversations are deeper. Whether you discuss Miley Cyrus twerking or God's eternal plan for mankind, you are always interested. This person has a place in your heart when your sister has to sit shotgun or wait for the next bus to pick her up.... This person is almost your blood!
That's a friend.
Friendship is a beautiful thing. Without it, we'd die or get really old really fast. Sometimes I send my friends naughty text messages just to make them smile because I know they'll always remember my screwed up sense of humor and they know that I thought about them. I have gone many days when I thought no one thought about me. The only thing someone was looking for was a haircut or an extra five bucks off of something in the salon. I love getting random jokes and beautiful messages from my friends.
Without those bonds in our lives, life is full of lots of pricks. Honestly, start tallying up how many beautiful people are in your life. Think of who makes you laugh. If they don't or you roll your eyes when you think of that person, they're NOT a true friend.
Remember the laughs. Laughter guides you to really positive connections. I promise.
Thanks for reading,
Josh
Got a subject you want me to tackle?
Tweet me @studiojry
Email me @ jcooley@fastmail.co.uk
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