I have to start off by saying thank you to everyone interacting on social media with me with the re-launch/debut of this blog concept. I literally have the highest ratings I've had on this blog in six months and I am so happy that people have read and responded to what I have to say.
There was a neck-and-neck race to the next subject you all asked me to tackle. It was a toss-up between "betrayal" and "heartbreak". I have actually chosen to take on "betrayal" first because heartbreak involves so many emotions and let-downs that involve the aspect of being and feeling betrayed.
So, let's get started.
As I looked on the internet on my iPhone and typed in "betrayal" on my Safari browser, wikipedia came up with the following definition of what Webster and his mates define as betrayal. It says, and I quote: "breaking or violation of a presumptive contract, trust or confidence which produces moral and psychological conflict in a relationship...."
Deep, right?
How many of you read that definition as you're scrolling this on your mobile devices and thought, "oh shit... [so and so] did that to me"?
The other thought you may have is, "that was my EX!!!!"
See? Now, you know WHY I couldn't tackle heartbreak quite yet.
So let's get started, here's what the Joshtionary defines betrayal as:
1. Someone who is a dear friend that suddenly doesn't have your back.
2. A sudden change in views due to:
a) fakeness or b) wanting to be accepted by others or another group.
3. Shady behavior.
As I type this, my ears and finger tips have turned red in absolute anger and jaded consciousness because I can name more than a handful of people that have done me dirty and have yet to "right" their wrongs with me. I digress though... we'll talk about forgiveness one day, but tonight it's all about the dirty sons-a-bitches that betrayed us.
In breaking down betrayal, we find that there are THREE components of a relationship that start to decay and eventually lead to heartbreak and psychological confusion. The first is......
BREAKING OR VIOLATING A 'PRESUMED' CONTRACT aka "The Bro Code"
One thing about friendships and relationships is that we often feel so close to people that we think just cos we now fart in sync with them that they always agree with us, our views and our goals. We also think that they will always be 100% #teamjosh or #team(enteryournamehere). NOT always so.
When you have a friend that you share intimate feelings and secrets with, you often say things to them that you would NEVER want the public to know! Let's take for instance Lady Gaga vs. Perez Hilton. Now, please understand, I think Perez is a total piece of shit and accidentally got famous. He could NEVER BE a trusted friend to anyone because think about it: he made his name bashing people on his internet blog when he was fat! All of a sudden, he lost his weight, stopped doing drugs and had famous friends.
Months later, we find out he now calls Stefani (Gaga) a drunk, a substance abuser and that she often showed up completely debauched to events and radio appearances and that HER TEAM is the only thing keeping her alive and in the scene. He ALSO panned her music and her relationship with cutie patootie Taylor. NOT COOL!!!
You know, I've had many a wild, drunken night with my mates and when one of them says stupid shit to me about being drunk or saying something while I was under the influence, I truly thinK the worst of them.. How many times can you judge me and why don't you have my mother fucking back? Perez was partying with Gaga and she probably flipped the bill for the asshole. I have been around many a "Perez" in my lifetime and I can tell you, once you stop paying for shit, they run! After they run, they run their traps. HE violated the terms of trust. HE was never a friend. Sadly, he forgets when he was a fat, lonely stoner looking for a rich fag hag.
BREAKING OF TRUST
If I tell you something as my friend, I expect what goes from my lips to your ears to be between me and you, not you and Facebook. Not you and work. Not you and your extended family. There are big things people should never tell. Thing regarding kids, sexuality, cheating and finances are all up to the teller, not the tell-ee aka listener.
Please keep in mind that I DO NOT believe in secrets. One reason is because anytime I shared something in my youth, my own words came to bite me in the ass later. The birdy that told everyone was ALWAYS my best friend at the time. Not fucking cool at all!
VIOLATION OF CONFIDENCE
Let's put it this way: you know when you fall in love with someone or you want to date someone, you have a couple dates, text all day and then you decide to have sex and they never call again? That's this!
People constantly build us up and then once they screw us, they run! They are out faster than Adam Lambert at a Madonna concert!! Always. I have had many people be invited into my "private world" or "private circle". They reap the benefits and get spoiled. Once I tell them "no". They shoot their mouth to everyone we know about what a c--t I am and what a snobby, bitchy, lonely gay man I am.
Luckly, through the years, my good friends that know us mutually know how to see through the bullshit and will either tell me they saw it coming or completely stop being as cordial to the user. These people that fuck you (mentally and many other ways) are users and you should cast them aside. Once someone messes with your confidence level and builds you up only to tear you down, it is your job to find your self-worth and remind the person that used you why you were and are special to begin with. If they fell in love with your big ego and then tell you two years later that your ego is a problem, it's because they became spoiled and now feel entitled to "serve you your ass" on a platter. Fuck that. Tell them to scram before they give you the boot.
As always, I have my own rules of life. I'm not going to talk about my exes or the assholes I loved through the years, I'm going to tell you how to be a good friend and avoid being a user and how to see the signs of a user.
#1. Always have your friends' backs. If you don't understand why they feel or say what they do, feel and say, ask them.
1a. When someone close to you judges you and doesn't give you a chance to explain yourself, begin cutting this person off! No more tickets "together". Always dutch dinners and start to limit your alcohol content around them.
#2. Don't ever change yourself and throw you friends under the bus to make YOU look better. You will look like a major douche and now karma's gonna come flying your way... and frankly, you deserve it.
2a. When someone starts talking shit or dissing you to a group of people to make themselves look better, leave the situation. Call them the next day and invite them out or have a serious conversation with them. No email. No text. Voices only! IF they say they're "too busy" to listen to you, You need to remind them that YOU are simply TOO BUSY to be their friend.
#3. Don't trust shady people. Shady people are as follows: people that password lock everything, people that stop talking or texting when you walk into a room, people that neglect to introduce you to their new friends and people that constantly change plans or flake out at the last minute. These people are NOT to be touched with a ten-foot pole, should never be invited to your home and should never know where you keep your hidden stash of money or expensive anime.
3a. Don't be fuckin' shady. See above. Do what you say you're going to do. Don't sugar coat or demean someone. It's dumb.
That's what I think about betrayal. Instead of focusing on what betrayal is or who has betrayed me (pay attention to my Twitter feed, haha), I wanted to let you know how to recognize the signs before playing Lana Del Rey, drinking red wine and playing with razor blades seems like a good idea.
Dump a user. They'll run out of ideas and energy soon enough.
JRy
Have an issue or subject you want me to talk about?
tweet me @studiojry
email @ jcooley@fastmail.co.uk
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