'Tis the season of giving, laughing, sharing, asking for things that we know only Father Christmas or an AmEx can give us and one very important virtue: kindness.
Now, I'm taking a break from the "deep issues" people on Facebook and email have asked me to talk about to make way for a rather positive interpretation of something all of us crave: Kindness. Now, kindness for me works in two facets:
1. What the Buddhists, Yogis and Hindus call "lovingkindness"; and
2. Compassion.
According to Wikipedia, "kindness" is a behavior marked by ethical characteristics, a pleasant disposition, and concern for others.
When you break all of this down, kindness isn't just throwing someone a smile or buying a sad sack friend a drink at the bar, kindness, to be broken properly is:
1. Doing the right thing for everyone (aka integrity)
2. Being humble and being someone others want to "feed" off of. (aka genuine charisma)
3. Practicing compassion.
When you apply these characteristic to the "Joshtionary" of life. I would mark kindness down as having three characteristics attached to a virtue.
1. Practicing silence through being a good listener.
2. Practicing compassion toward others.
3. Creating a warm environment for all.
Let's explore these in depth.
1. PRACTICING SILENCE THROUGH BEING A GOOD LISTENER.
Think about many of the conversations you've had with some of your best mates. The ones we usually remember the most are when someone sat with us, listened with us and didn't judge us. Remember back in entry V1.2 and V1.1 when I spoke about people throwing you under the bus and people that voice their harsh opinions in an aggressive and judgmental matter? This is what I'm talking about.
How many times have you just needed a sounding block or someone to vent to about your day and your fucked up family? Or how many times can you complain about your ex, lack of a love life or client that no-showed for the last three appointments? This person sitting across, beside or close to you (even over telephone or FaceTime) is a good, kind soul.
Being a good listener involves letting the venter get everything off their chest for the sake of releasing all their bad energy. You what happens to people that hold on to bad energy? They hold on til they begin to wilt like a flower with no water, sunlight or attention from it's gardner. They also develop what they will call a "thick skin" that eventually leads to a jaded opinion of the world and start to develop cancer and neurosis in the body. These people begin using heartbreak and illness to get attention and become energy suckers no one wants to be around because NOBODY listened to them properly.
We all have opinions when someone tells us a tragic story, but the way to be a good friend and be a truly spiritual being that practices lovingkindess is someone that listens without passing judgment. Jesus did this. Samantha on "Sex and the City" did this when Carrie cheated on Aiden with Big.
Remember the episode? Carrie and Sam are cleaning up a mess, Carrie admits her infidelity and asks, "don't you wanna judge me?"
Samantha calmly replies, "it's not my style." and winks.
This proves to me that Samantha was the most kind friend of the four women. Sure, she was a big slut, but she listened better than anyone and always had their girls' backs.
2. PRACTICING COMPASSION TOWARDS OTHERS.
Sometimes people have a really hard life. Sometimes people have a really hard day. Sometimes when they have an overdose of the two in a short period of time, they act up in a fucked up manner and become crabby patties like Squidward on "Spongebob Squarepants".
All Squidward needed was a compassionate friend. Spongebob always tried to be his friend. Spongebob never held anything against him either. Wanna know why? The character of Spongebob is a benevolent optimist that always saw his life as a glass; not a glass half empty or half full, just a glass. He woke up everyday wanting to be a good fry cook and walk his snail.
Squidward was always bothered by other people. Sometimes I feel like Squidward. I am always striving to practice more compassion because, honestly, I don't have it that rough in life, really.
Practicing compassion towards your friends and those in your life involves skill #1. listening and also learning to shut up and not cast judgment. You don't know WHY your grouchy friend acts like he does, just be there for him... no matter what a dick he is.
Finally, 3. Creating a warm environment for all.
Remember going to your grandma's house, friends house or even a distant single relative's house growing up? (for those of you that said, "no", please re-read my Squidward analogy)
We are attracted to people and places that make us feel the way Christmas morning feels. We like the feeling of not having to worry, not having a care and not being unsafe. Kind people have a non-threatening vibe around them. You want to give these people hugs, buy them presents and sometimes just say "thank you" for no reason.
I had a client bring me a card today that said inside, "you make me smile."
This is a from of lovingkindess. She also attached a Starbucks card, but her message warmed my heart. She took time to make me feel accepted and wanted.
This is the example of kindness. We don't see each other daily, I am not her child or spouse and we don't text or talk outside of her appointments, but she wanted to remind me that I matter.
I felt like a prince and couldn't wait to share with all of you on Facebook and Instagram.
Guess what?
You all make me smile and you know what? You all matter.
This isn't my way of expressing kindness. It's cos it's true.
Thank you.
Josh "JRY" Cooley
Got an issue or subject you want me to write about?
Tweet me @studiojry or email jcooley@fastmail.co.uk
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