Let me start by saying... I am in a positive head space today. Yes.
Last time I sat at my desk to write this blog I was terribly sad and honestly, between you and I, I can't be that sad person or that mean, bitchy person. It's not fun. People don't like it. Friends don't like it. I certainly can't stand it.
Since I blogged last, I have made a lot of changes mentally regarding people in my life. I have had to take a large step back from someone I gave too much power too. Love the person to death, but my investments are not yielding any revenue in loyalty or dedication. All while chasing one person's affection, I have eliminated everyone else. Really Josh? You're better than that.
For the holidays, I was happy to be off Facebook and Twitter and loved posting my love of food on Instagram.
As I enjoyed time with my family, I realized, life is good. Stop looking for the bads. Ever been in that spot? It's a very sad space to be in because it spirals out of control and ANY LITTLE THING can set you off. At least, for me, that's what happens.
As you may have gathered, I'm a bit moody. lol. (what an understatement). I discovered that I have partner-fever.
You know how when ladies have baby-fever? I have that! But I want a partner. I want to share my world with someone. I want to fall madly in love and I woke up Christmas day praying for love and asking the Creator for guidance. Love shouldn't be this hard...
He answered by eliminating a bond I cherish. Well, not exactly taking it away 100%, but allowing me to see what it was: just friends. I invest too much in some people. I love them with my heart, but sometimes waving a white flag has to be the case.
As I sat in my loft on New Year's Eve alone, I poured a glass of wine, tears drying, and fell asleep by 10. The next morning, I awoke to go for a morning walk, came home and started making a list of goodies to take to California and things not to forget.
Looked at Twitter. Didn't want to tweet.
Looked at my phone. Didn't answer my Happy New Year messages.
The day went by, a walk followed again and another. I played some Lana Del Rey and started to cry. I said in my head, "lord... just gimme a sign."
As I sat for lunch, I drank a martini and went home. Nap #2 came and I awoke to look at all my social media. Remember, I've been on a break?
As I open my inbox, I see a message from an unlikely person. I didn't think anything of it.
Let me tie this story together for you... I found what I was supposed to see. I was given a void in my life to make way for a new addition to my life.
I said I would try something new in 2013 and I'm not a dater and certainly not one to hook up (like some people I know). I started texting someone. Four hours later, my little heart pitter-pattered familiar warm thoughts and feelings...
Could 2013 complete me?
We'll see.
Here's to love in 2013. Cheers, lambs.
JRy. xoxo
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