JRy Takes On... Integrity [V1.9]

Good evening friends,

I'm back and talking about a hard-hitting topic that sometimes I fall deeply skewed in my own views about. I literally border on the edge of judgment when talking about it: integrity.

There is so much going on in my brain tonight that contradicts itself and that meshes all together in a cloud of confusion for me. Integrity, for me, is not always the most popular trait to exude to your friends and peers and also, it's the first thing people pick on when you fall from grace.

People will say: "I don't know what flew up Josh's ass", if I put my my foot down; or they can say: "Josh's head is up his ass lately", if I fall from grace and do not uphold my own personal integrity.

See how Catch 22 this area of life can become?

Let's look at three definitions of integrity:
1. the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles.
2. the state of being whole and undivided.
Finally, 3. a concept of consistency of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations and outcomes.

Whew!

This is a biggie!

Basically with me being a Virgo, I can tell you that integrity slides on the edge of being discriminatory, sometimes judgmental and often times, critical in order for me to make conscience and morally-acceptable decisions for my own existence.

Here's what the "Joshtionary" says about integrity:

1. No secrets, no lies, always blatantly honest even when not taken popularly (especially) in decision making.
2. Knowing for sure the difference between right and wrong.
3. Being consistent in matters of lifestyle choices, ethics in business, and personal relationships.

My integrity sometimes turns into my most hated character trait. I have oftentimes lost friends because of it.

Recently, I read a quote from Iyanla Vanzant that said when you love someone and they're behavior is unacceptable, you should tell them about it.

There is so much in my brain at this moment when I think about my close friendships and life in terms of personal confidantes and acquaintances.

One thing that sections me off from getting to know people is the fact that I am mentally sifting out their bad and their good traits from the first verbal exchange and their body language. There is no scale, no universal measure that is used except my own discretion. One might say, I judge and critique too fast, I would say that I am working out if this is a good connection to have in my life or not.

One friend of mine recently told me that I was no fun to hang out with for the mere fact that I am negative and critical and do not like to have fun. Well, what defines "fun"?

For me, meeting new people in a crowded club with shirtless boys is no fun: it's fucking bonkers and does my head in. It's not my scene.

Another friend recently told me that if I ever wanted to be happy I would have to accept that nobody is perfect and until I see that, I will either be alone or have to drop my standards. This may explain why she bangs anything that buys her a drink.

Lastly, I have had business coaches tell me through the years that just because someone complains doesn't mean they don't like me or respect me, but that I need to be open to change. That's all cool, but what about them?

In reading these above examples, you may be thinking: "Josh, you need to take a chill pill and quit being a fucking prude."

If you thought that, I have to question YOUR idea of integrity... maybe our standards are not weighed the same.

As you see (in that slightly confrontational sentence), integrity is weighed and understood differently to each and every individual.

So, let me sum up the good parts of being "picky" and listening to my integrity: it shows me all I need to know about me. It shows that I have very high expectations and that even I can affirm to you all that it's not always so welcoming getting to know me or for me to accept others. (I didn't see it til I proof read, actually)

The other thing I can tell you about integrity is this: it's always going to be questioned and up for debate.

In short, integrity is a line in the sand for anyone and all your connections. Either people will agree with your decisions or they will not.

A clear sign of a bad connection in your life is if someone gets defensive with you and you are merely exercising your integrity and listening to your moral compass. Those people that get angry and agitated are probably not a good fit for you... in any close capacity.

See why I called this subject "complicated" and "contradictory"?

-JRy

Got a topic you want me to tackle? email me jcooley@fastmail.co.uk or tweet me @studiojry

JRy Takes On... Passover [V1.8]

Good evening friends!

There are two major things happening at the beginning of this week as I type this:

1. Passover (yay!)
2. Tax Day (pa-tooey!)

So, for many of you that know me, you know that I observe the Jewish holidays. I could backtrack a lot and tell you multiple reasons why (which will probably happen), but I'm going to keep it short and simple so I can take on why I wanted to blog about the holiday known as "passover".

When I took the time to study my genealogy, I stumbled upon generations old family members, surnames and origins that captivated me. I always knew I was a Spanish kid on my mom's side and for the most part, I was raised very Mediterranean and was taught to love all people and respect culture.

When I traced back a line of my ancestry back to Southern Spain, I was informed that my family had been kicked out of the country during the inquisition. My family, like so many other Sephardics at the time jumped over to Morocco and came back to Andalucia later on and continued on with their life as Catholic Spaniards and moved on to Mexico and other parts of North America.

My mom and dad were both of different faiths when they married and still are. They are also two different ethnic backgrounds.

You have my mom who is a Spanish Roman Catholic and my Mormon father. Cooley is an Irish surname and so I'm just letting you all know: a white mormon + a Spanish Catholic = Josh Cooley, a gay Sephardic JewBu (lol).

Genetic math is crazy like that, ya know?

I went to catechism like most catholic kids and studied The Bible and loved it. I was always interested in the metaphysics of God and miracles. When I turn 17, I started studying Kabbalah (Jewish mysticism) and became enthralled in it! I loved it and still do study hardcore to this day.

My parents told my sister and I that when we were 18, we would choose whatever religion we wanted to be. So, for me, I began studying Eastern philosophy, Yoga, Hinduism, Buddhism and stayed true to my Kabbalah studies.

Through time, I started to see all paths of faith as a full-circle wheel to God, the Divine and living a life of lovingkindess.

You've heard that word before if you've spoken to me and have read about it on this very blog. Lovingkindness to me is about compassion and understanding your fellow human. It's about sharing. It's about giving to the energy in another soul and sharing your gifts with the world without prejudice or ego. Lovingkindness sees the world not as a glass half full or half empty, but rather, we see the glass for what it is: a vessel.

A vessel needs to be filled. You can choose to fill it with toxins and drink the poison life hands you or you can fill it with The Light of the Creator and become a beacon for others. Every time you share with someone and it fulfills you, it is as if you were taking some Light from your vessel and pouring it into your friends vessel. We all Light up and all glow together!

How cool is that?

So, with that concept being the basis of my spirituality, I found more fulfillment in the Jewish holidays. For one, I liked the stories. Also, my Kabbalah teachers were able to put the concepts of Passover and Chanukah and Sukkot into everyday terms I could fathom as "real life scenarios".

Keep it mind, alot of Orthodox Jews do not love the fact that there are seculars like me that study mysticism and do not go to Temple. However, I have to inform them at only 46% of Jews actually attend synagogue. It's a statistic! Most people that are into spirituality are not necessarily religious.

Religion can become a bit of a dictatorship and a gate-keeper to the heavens. I prefer to look at all the ritualistic aspects of religion like Shabbat and holidays and look at the deeper meaning of how I can manifest that beautiful Divine energy into my life.

So, let's take tonight for example: Passover.

In The Bible, Passover is the time when we remember the Israelites fleeing the captivity of slavery in Egypt. The angle of death "passes over" all the homes that are marked with a lamb's blood while everyone else child gets slain in this horrible massacre throughout Egypt. That's too much for me! Too gory.

To debate the historical relevance of this is not my goal in this blog. To tell you why pass over means so much to me is the point.

From a Kabbalah philosophy, here's how I see Passover:

Passover is a time of transformation.

Egypt is the ego. Ego often leads us to become a "slave" to our lifestyles and to our Twitter followers, diets, secular lives and bank accounts. Think about it: isn't life full of suffering and stress?

No one said it HAD to be like that. In fact, I know in my heart the Creator wants us to be happy and fulfilled. If we were really a bunch of heathens, he could smite us all quickly. But, the other aspect of that notion is that the Creator does NOT have to smite us when humanity does it to themselves!

Daily, we tear down other people. Daily, we call people out their names using cusswords and put-downs. Daily, we toxify ourselves with parabens, poisons and addictive substances. Daily, we ignore that phone call from a loved one that may need our help... you catch the drift?

That, in and of itself is part "Egypt" (ego). It's self-serving behavior that does not benefit anyone.

Passover reminds us that we need to make sacrifices to live a truly humble and divine life. For some, it may mean saying "no" to that last shot at the bar or saying "no" to that addictive behavior that keeps us in the dark ally of our lives.

For me, passover is a time of growth each year to look at my life and say: "how can I express MORE lovingkindess to the world."

How can I flee Egypt peacefully? No lamb needed.

It means, changing my nature. Not over time, but today.

Passover is like a "soul check-in point" with The Creator and my intuition that reminds me to pump my breaks and live life as a beautiful human being that is worth of all the gifts this world can give and all the gifts that I, personally, can give the world.

Egypt was a beautiful empire. The Ego is a fun place to be when you are living on top, but very few made a difference that made an absolute impact on the souls of others when they were living in the shadow of their own egos.

So, this Passover, I ask you all to just take a moment and think: what am I a slave to in my life? Then.... change it.

Warmly/ Pesach Semeach,
Joshua

Inside Studio JRy: Two Years Later

Inside Studio JRy: Two Years Later

This past Thursday, I celebrated two years of being in business.

I have so many thoughts that probably contrast and go against each other, but these past two years have been revealing.

They're so revealing to me in the sense that I cannot believe how fucking stupid I was thinking that since I was a salon manager and sought-after stylist years ago that I could just throw caution to the wind and open a salon.

I could hear the insistent "build it and they will come"-fantasy echo in my head every single day until the day I signed the lease on the property that would become my salon.

I remember I signed the property lease, announced it on Facebook and on my website and then waited for Sunday to tell my parents what I had done. It was horrific! I felt that I was a brand new balloon craving oxygen and they did not want to be the air that supported my dream.

They asked me real questions.

They asked me about revenue.

They asked about my savings and tax situation and asked about my budgeting and my clientele base. All of these questions seemed so goddamned annoying to me. I never even gave them a chance to mentor me. My parents have been business owners for nearly 40 years and I was sitting there like a brat.

Let's fast-forward to 21 months later and the salon had decent numbers, decent money coming in and I still felt like I was spinning my wheels from month-to-month. I had to go to my parents for some advice on budgeting, inventory and overall business ethics. All three of those categories are categories and subjects people think I have a great understanding of.

Yes, I do.

But let me tell you about most people that come off as perfect: they are often very very flawed in their lives.

Sad, but true.

I strive for perfection every single day and one thing I forgot to listen to was my own voice. I was so busy having my head up my own as and ego the first year that by the time the 1-year anniversary came around, I was fucking spent, jaded and angry for no apparent reason.

This second year of business, I walked into my salon with fresh eyes as I took on celebrity clientele, went to California to work and began writing the draft for my first salon industry book. The difference is astounding!

The one area I had not mastered yet was finances!

I have had to make sense of the fact that I overspend and overcommit and blame everyone else for it.

So, to make this blog entry a little more light-hearted, I put myself on a challenge. I challenged myself to re-budget, pay down debt and start doing little things like getting very strict about inventory at the salon and taking lunch to work and working on mediating and exercising more.

I found that if I took more time to hit the gym and meditate, I didn't have as much time to go out and binge drink (which is a very expensive habit to have). I also found that cooking at home gave me a sense of self-worth and learned how to domesticate myself a bit.

Everything that I bitched about, I learned to love and learned to make an art out of.

Three months have gone by and I'm in a better head space. I try my absolutely hardest to maintain budgets, stay home a few nights a week and have learned not to take anything personally.

All of this wellbeing radiates into my business. I learned that in the first year of resenting business, I was just being an ungrateful brat and that in the second year, I discovered what the theme and niche of Rockstars + Lambs was.

There's 1 part art studio and 1 part doctor's office at my salon that I love. I love the one-on-one approach of working with people. It makes me so happy. I have learned to breathe and learned that if I happen to get angry or frustrated, it's okay to walk away and if I have a gap between clients, it's okay to go for a walk and lock the door and come back before anyone else walks into my chaos.

As Thursday morning approached, I woke up and after my morning meditation and yoga, I took a deep breath and thanked everyone online for two years of support.

I didn't want to focus on anyone that may have dropped the ball, broke my heart or talked shit about me; no matter who you were and in whatever capacity, I wanted to thank everyone for allowing me to have this opportunity.

Tonight, I sit here typing and glance at my book of appointments and look at emails and calls that are still waiting for a reply... those are MY messages, no one elses.

Everything I own, I own outright and everything I am working towards is what guides my desire.

I never want this feeling to end whether it's at Rockstars + Lambs, in my writing, meditating or simple state of being.

For that, I'm truly thankful.


-JRY

JRy Takes On... Pueblo Night Life [V1.7]

Good evening friends,

Wow! Talk about an informal hiatus! It has been about five weeks since I last wrote about "music" in the last edition of this blog. I am so glad that I finally have the opportunity to sit in front of the computer and blog.

You all have given me some fabulous topics to discuss and the one that came in tonight was per request back in December from my client Heather. She asked me to discuss night life in Pueblo, Colorado.

A lot of you locals reading this may be rolling your eyes because you're thinking that there is absolutely nothing to do here. I can agree to this sentiment to an extent.

Some of you would say that with our standing as having the highest DUI rate in the state of Colorado and the highest amount of bars per capita that all we do is binge-drink... and again I would have to agree with you.

Some of you would blame our poverty level and unemployment rate as contributing factors to our love of binge drinking, alcoholism, and again getting in trouble with the law, but I'm honestly going to tell you something that my friend from LA once told me: "it's all what you make of it".

Pueblo, Colorado is a community that has one of the Top 10 most popular food festivals in the country and we still don't move forward looking to enhance the landscape of events offered. Sure, there's your average watering holes, dive bars and night time events, but what is it that people keep ragging on?

I don't think they rag on actually binge drinking itself. Binge drinking is over glamorized on TV now when you see celebrities at the Golden Globes or watch a reality TV star get schnockered on camera, so I'm not going to feed into the vibe that all we do in Pueblo is get plastered and do stupid shit; I will, however tell you that it can become monotonous behavior.

For me personally, I love to enjoy a couple evenings checking emails at my favorite watering hole, The Downtown Bar, located in Central Plaza, and take in the randomness that comes with the bar scene. For the most part, I see the same people and talk about alot of daily happenings. My favorite thing to do is not get drunk, but to talk alot of shit and make people laugh. Genuinely, I love making people laugh.

What I have done with friends for the past decade I translated into stand-up comedy recently. Yes, I'm a novice, but I'm not doing too bad at it either.

My style of comedy is not the same as many of the uber-male performers that accompany me. I tend to stand out like a very well-shellacked sore thumb with Chanel nail varnish flashing in the spotlight on a small stage at the DTB on a late Wednesday night. My style of comedy is more of a storyteller with a woven punchline about my family, adventures with friends, how I grew up or even poking fun at myself.

Something I could have never done is had the opportunity to express those kind of salty-worded thoughts unless there was a stand up night mid-week.

I think when you see open mic nights like that, you see a community changing and trying to offer something different than sitting in the bar waiting for a fight or a sloppy drunk to get kicked out. How cool is that?

We have a number of events that pop up during the year held by many non-profit associations. Between food events, our version of Dancing with the Starz, the first Friday art walk and many stage productions between our multiple venues, I see some of the community trying to offer new opportunities besides a drinking fest downtown and throughout the city.

The art district does quite well at it's monthly First Friday Art Walk where people go from gallery to gallery looking at artwork, sipping wine and discussing it with another patron. The number of galleries in downtown Pueblo is growing and a really enlightening, cultural alternative to getting blasted. Now as for me, I love to visit a gallery and head out for a night of bullshitting with my friends after.

One thing we do lack though in Pueblo is late night eateries. Most restaurants shut down by 9 and 10 if you're lucky during the summer months. This is what saddens me the most. With all the great food highlighted in this community, I still see a lack of participation from local restauranteurs. They either complain about NOT BEING busy enough or complain about being TOO BUSY.

Let me tell you: being too busy is good problem to have!

Now, for some of my friends that like to dance and see shows in nightclubs, we definitely lack that "Scene" in Pueblo. That saddens me really. The only place I would even consider dancing in this area is Tracks in Denver, Colorado, but probably never would I dance in Pueblo or Colorado Springs. This area of the state is simply not enthusiastic about nightlife or breaking up the complacency.

My favorite place in the United States is the Abbey in LA. They have it down to an art! Tracks in Denver runs seamlessly as well. We simply do not have a passionate place here that wants to offer top-self experiences to dancers (as of yet).

I love going out and have been a staple of the downtown, late night scene since I was 22 years old in this community. I even had a gossip/socialist columnist write about me a few years ago calling me "Mister Downtown".

I wish life was like it is on TV in Pueblo; I would love bottle service champagne and friends spray tanned and dressed to the nines, but Pueblo is a working class town and it's bars reflect that vibe.

Here's my question to all you locals reading (it's 2 parts):
-what do you enjoy doing in Pueblo with yourself or with friends
-also, what would you like to happen to enhance Pueblo's nightlife?

I'm all ears.....

Cheers mates,
Josh

Have a subject you want me to sound off about? email me jcooley@fastmail.co.uk or tweet me @studiojry

JRy Takes On... Music [V1.6]

Good evening dear friends,

It's been a wonderful day away from my life. I had a day off after 12 days of work. A lot of people will see my schedule and see gaps for meetings, late start at the salon and even Sunday blanked out, but what they don't understand is that I run my life according to two factors:

1. Hours dedicated to clients (45 a week to be exact),
and
2. Office time/ blog time/ time for meetings (approx. 10 more hours)

At the end of it, 60 hours a week or so is what I often work. Sundays I take a day to go shopping for salon and book keep and try to get my house back in order. I would hardly call that a day off. A true day off for me includes laying around in my Tashi-brand sweatpants and not even getting in the shower. Sounds gross to you, sounds like heaven to me.

On my day off, I sleep in late, read the NY times, sometimes I blog a little and I cook cook cook. If I decide to get ready, I go out for a cocktail or glass of wine in preparation of heading back to work.

Heading back to work in the salon or my office, there is one key factor I HAVE TO have: music.

As long as I have music wherever I am, I'm a happy camper.

So, you all asked me to talk about music and it's importance in our lives. I, of course, did my research and pulled up an article from USA Today and read about the health benefits of listening to music.

A few that I liked that really stood out were:

1. the fact that listening to music serves as motivation and increases endurance during a work out or activity.
2. Listening to ANY kind of music stimulates and uses the entire brain whereas watching TV or tweeting only uses like 10% of your brain capacity.
3. Listening to music can improve sleep quality and the depth of meditation practice.
4. Music is a natural stress reducer.
5. If you are depressed, don't reach for alcohol or chocolate, listen to your favorite kind of music. It elevates your mood.

All of the above reasons are true for my own life. I cannot imagine a salon or office, bar or restaurant without music. When someone or someplace lacks music, I ask, "what's going on?" or "WTF? They can't play music!"

In this edition of my blog, I don't have to consult the "Joshtionary" for a moral code or definition, but I would much rather transport you to Joshlandia and tell you what music means to me.

As a young child, I sang my heart out in choir and in many solo performances. Today, I can't croak an Amy Winehouse tune very well, but I love singing as much as the next American Idol. As a teenager, I was a dancer and competed in many talent shows and competitions as a solo act and often placed. Now, I won't even attempt to twerk; I'll sit with my drink and watch you. In my early twenties, I fell deeply in love with foreign composers and electronica as it enriched my yoga practice and spirituality. If you ask me about any Bjork, BT or Tiesto album, I will name all three of those artists are three of the most healing/spiritual people on the planet. They're not just musicians, they manipulate energy into something so sublime, it's like an orgasm in my soul erupting... yum!

Today, music for me enhances the salon experience, motivates me when I write and cook and often becomes the soundtrack to whatever I'm doing. Whether walking to work or dealing with a relationship hiccup, music gets me through my day.

I think musicians and producers are absolutely god-sent and talented in the most Divine sense of the word. I would never have wanted to be a popstar like Madonna or Gaga. I would have loved to be Bjork or BT. I think there are very FEW artists in popular culture that do anything with substance.

I love a good club record. I think those are underplayed and I think the club culture is a very spiritual culture. Dance music and EDM (as it's called now) is so spiritual. Each ripple, each vocal effect stirs something in us. There's something so primal about dancing to that kind of music.

I think the music of the 30s is laced in Gin-soaked microphones that harken back to when it was naughty to talk about booze and multiple affairs. You were supposed to Gershwin, not Billie Holiday! She was a renegade (if you ask me, so was Gershwin).

The music of the 60s brought up social issues and stimulated the sexual revolution that the world was going through. American teens said "Fuck the establishment" to many Dylan Records and lots of virgins lost their innocence trippin' to the Rolling Stones, Hendrix and Joplin.

The 80s was, by far, the decade of the one-hit wonder and had some of the funnest music to sing along to. The 70s had great songwriters and people loved embracing the art of poetry meets music. Songs meant something then!

I think everything past 1990 became very very very eclectic. It was an era when music became increasingly available in multiple formats and this is the era in which I grew up. Records, cassettes, CDs, Minidiscs, the creation of the WAV file and eventually the MP3 of the 2000s made it easier to love music.

Music excites. I personally can't play any on an instrument, but I can tell you style, producer and feeling behind each and every record on my iPod. For me, it's passion. It takes a simple glass of wine and makes it an experience whilst sipping it with my best friend. It takes cooking in my kitchen and elevates it to Food Network status. It heightens my senses when kissing someone for the first, second or thirtieth time.

That simple three-block walk I take every morning with my earbuds is like the opening credits to my HBO sitcom.

Music is powerful, friends. It takes any moment and makes it climactic.

Bopping my head now,
JRy

GOT A SUBJECT YOU WANT ME TO SOUND OFF ABOUT? TWEET ME @studiojry or email jcooley@fastmail.co.uk

JRy Takes On... Lies [V1.5]

Good evening friends!

Have you ever felt yourself creating more and more conflict in your brain for the mere fact that you just don't know the whole truth? If you're like me, your brain begin to wander when you find that people present themselves one way to your face, one way on the internet and one way in front of a group of people.

How much of this is being polite, living unauthentically or just living a lie?

Also, when someone tells you something false intentionally, do you feel betrayed?

Another thing to put in your cap and shake around is: are white lies really lies?

Let's get started talking about something that pisses me off to no end: LIES and the LIARS that live them.

A "lie" according to Wikipedia is:
1. A false statement made by a person intentionally
1a. Not the whole truth; intentionally deceptive statement.

There is also a "fabrication". A fabrication is
1. A lie told when they are not sure the statement is true.

Here's what I think: I can't stand a bold face lie! Generally people lie to protect themselves from a truth they don't want to admit or they lie because they are holding a secret they don't want to share. Generally that secret is something immoral, immature and unseemly. I've always found this to be true. Those of you reading this and shaking your heads are probably secret holders and should stop reading. I don't believe in secrets.

Fabrication, to be put simply, is a something gossipers (and the Bravo Housewives) use all the time. To me, a fabrication is an assumption you gave verbiage. Fabrication from from the root word "fabricate" which means to create. Basically, your lying ass made shit up. Gossip falls in this category 9/10 times (which is why I hate gossip).

The Joshtionary definition of lies and liars (pertaining to liars, fabricators and gossips everywhere) is defined by ME as:

1. Not being authentic
2. Someone holding a secret that hurts someone or themselves.
3. Not telling the whole truth (that's a "white lie")

Let's begin with

NO. 1: NOT BEING AUTHENTIC
I can't stand a fake ass person! Period. People that lie and fake their lives for the public, their friends, the internet, etc. are liars. They live in delusional worlds where their maladies reign supreme and they can say whatever the fuck they want and not pay for their actions. I find a lot of the new iGeneration to be fake and unauthentic.

I wish sometimes we had a limit on how many tweets and posts we could put in the world. Everyone is an authority now days and very few have worked for this title. Everyone is now a guru and everyone thinks they're friends with everyone on the internet. Sorry to burst your bubble, but that is all one big lie! You, my dear, are living a lie.

I don't and will never understand a person that lies for the sake of lying. When I hear someone lie to me or uncover truth they omitted from sharing with me, I believe you are covering up a secret about yourself that could hurt people or yourself. Which brings me to....

NO. 2: HOLDING A SECRET
I was raised being taught that secrets are bad. Secrets are unnecessary and I find anyone who holds a secret to be no better than Satan himself. Not to be preachy, but the word (not the name) sa-tan means deceiver. A deceiver makes you believe things that are not true. This can bring havoc and chaos to your life and cause analytical people like me to brainfuck themselves into a tailspin of depression (we'll talk about "letting go" in another blog soon, I promise).

I distinctly remember being blocked on the internet by a person I was seeing. The content was blocked because I found out he was sending dick pics, posting sexual stories and provocative material on the internet. This person solicited my friends for sex and this person "cheated" on me multiple times.

When I approached him, he said, "we never made anything exclusive" and would not tell me what he was doing. When I told him I had access to his material, he called me a creep and said that was a deal breaker.

You know why is was a deal breaker? I found his secret world of sexuality that he tried so hard to hide from me that was brought to my attention through my friend! News flash asshole: NOTHING ON THE INTERNET IS PRIVATE!

I feel sorry for him to this day. He lives a life I do not honor or hold in high standards. To me, if you wanna be slut, own it. Samantha Jones on Sex and the City did and Blanche did on Golden Girls, why can't you?

Imagine how betrayed and hurt I was when I found out, then having to crack the code and "creep" to find out everything people told me was true.

I still have a hard time dating....

NO 3: NOT TELLING THE WHOLE TRUTH (aka a white lie)
Someone once told me that white lies are harmless. I think this is true. A white lie is simply not confirming info.

Two things people can say I "white lie" or "omit" in my life are:
1. I never confirm where I was born (its not your business)
2. I never confirm who I am or am not dating or seeing romantically (again, sacred and not your business)

I'm not saying that white lies are the grey zone or the loop whole. I think white lies are a way of the person dealing with reality. They, themselves, haven't accepted the truth. For me, I'm not proud of where I was born. I'm partially ashamed. I never confirm because it's not part of my persona really. It has nothing to do with hair, my life or my family. It's not your business. I like being enigmatic. I would much rather you think I swooped into your lives much like Mary Poppins.

I don't confirm dating or romantic interest because I do not have a love life that has ever been honest to me. I have been cheated on three times. I obviously pick the wrong people. I have a "Type" that I like that is not good for me and I frankly don't want your pity or critique. If I choose to give someone multiple chances, that's on me. What a dumb ass! But those are two truths I have yet FULLY accepted about myself.

I wouldn't call this a bold face lie. I would say, white lies are simply non-confirmations.

Okay, little white liars out there. Thank you for reading.

My advice to you is this: dump the people that lie to you in your life, don't tell or hold secrets, and lastly, learn to tell the truth. You'll live a fuller life.

I promise.
JRY

DO YOU HAVE A SUBJECT YOU WANT ME TO COVER OR SOUND OFF ON? Tweet me @studiojry or email jcooley@fastmail.co.uk

JRy Takes On... Karma [V1.4]

Good evening friends,

I have to tell you that I am loving talking about some basic "life concepts". One of the fundamental concepts of life that people often forget (especially when heated or ignoring an incoming text message) is the concept of karma.

Let's think about it! We've all heard that word.

I remember mentioning this word to a very religious boss I had once and she told me that karma was a pagan act and concept. I had to kindly remind her of what I thought karma was: "do unto others as you'd have them do unto you."

Is that biblical?

Yes.

Is that hindu?

Yes.

Is that Wiccan?

Yes?

Every theology under the sun has always believed in karma. Whether you practice voodoo, prayer or just common sharing between your fellow man. You practice karma in everything you do. Karma, like love or smiling or singing has no religion or even spiritual premise. It simply is what it is.

When you look up "karma" on Wikipedia. Karma is a work that derives from sanskrit. It's the concept of performing an action or deed that sets the entire cycle of cause and effect into motion.

I think that's pretty clear in definition, don't you?

Here's what the "Joshtionary" says about karma:
1. Do unto others... (fill in the rest...)
2. Don't shit where you eat.
3. Don't point fingers.

Let me dive into these not-so-spiritual looks at a very spiritual topic.

#1. DO UNTO OTHERS...
I remember as a young 17-year old kid getting ready to complete high school having questions about religion and God. I also had questions about humanity and why the world was such a scary place. In the search to find a moment of clarity, I began doing a lot yoga, reading buddhist-based literature, read the Yoga Taravali and took up studying Kabbalah. Each item taught me alot.

I remember reading The Bible with my grandmother and remember how vengeful she made God sound. I thought, "how sad."

Why would someone create us to punish and destroy us. I began reading works by Rav P.S. Berg and Yehuda Berg and reading the concept "what happens below is above and what happens above is below."

This concept of what happens on Earth is also happening in Heaven corresponds to everything. If I'm having a shitty day, someone else is as well. If I smile at someone, they may just smile back. If I invest in a relationship, they will share and invest with me as well.

It wasn't foreign. It wasn't Jewish and it wasn't Buddhist. It was universal truth.

I know each morning when I wake up to greet the Universe with a humble "thank you".

If I wake up late and greet the day with a "aw..fuck" and slam my alarm clock across the wall, I have always found that the energy of the day tells me to fuck off and slams me around a bit as well. So, "Thank you" is my morning prayer of choice.

What you put out in the world is what you will receive.

#2. DON'T SHIT WHERE YOU EAT.
Let me explain this: have you ever had a friend you loved so much? You loved to gossip to them and tell them secrets? You then find yourself gossiping about THEM to others?

This is a common way of setting yourself up for failure in relationships.

I live by the concept of "if they gossip to you, they gossip about you."

This is no different for YOU.

We often try to become a Dahli-Joshua to our friends thinking we have the "Cat by the tail" (have the world figured out) only to exclude ourselves.

When we gossip about others, especially to mutual friends, we set ourselves up for a major public hanging. We see this happen constantly on each new season of "The Real Housewives" Franchise.

One day Lisa talks about Kyle. Kyle talks about Lisa and then they see themselves on TV and start to doubt each other's friendships.

We may not all have cameras following us around, but we should all act like it. I can't tell you how sad I get watching these beautiful botoxed bitches throw each other under the bus. They act like 3.8 million of us don't see them week after week on Bravo.

I make jokes about how I would LOVE TO BE on a reality show. Let me tell you: I'd put my foot in my mouth a lot and the city of Pueblo would probably avoid me.

Don't shit where you eat.

Act like TMZ and Bravo are following you every day. With every sip of alcohol, remember: the age of Twitter takes NO PRISONERS! We do it to ourselves.

#3. DON'T POINT FINGERS.
My grandma used to tell me not to point at people. I can tell you though: she pointed at you when she yelled at you!

Shakespeare was classic in saying that when you point the finger, three are pointing back at you. Let's take a break to try this.

Some spiritual systems believe that when you point or direct negative energy at someone, it comes back on YOU three-fold. I believe this as well. When I have to get "intense" with someone, I tend to put my hand up dramatic-style and Mariah-like with an open palm and my ring finger to my open palm. The reason for this is based on repelling someone's oncoming energy.

My placing my hand UP, I am NOT ACCEPTING what you have to say. Also, my ring finger is placed in a meditation sequence to try and keep my energy focused. Keep in mind, the rules of karma also mean that the OTHER person does NOT have to accept what I say either.

When things get intense, do not point. Just walk away. Call them for coffee the next day or simply write them off. In karma's wonderful universal way, you will buy each other a pause in your relationship.

Karma is a touchy subject because people only think about it as a negative repercussion; we often forget though that when you do something well and good for others or share with others that the universe gladly hands over the Light and sharing energy back to you.

How many times have you thought "can't the universe/God just throw me bone?"

You gotta through it one first.

Hope that helps.
Josh

Got an issue or subject you want me sound off on?
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