JRy Takes On... Music [V1.6]

Good evening dear friends,

It's been a wonderful day away from my life. I had a day off after 12 days of work. A lot of people will see my schedule and see gaps for meetings, late start at the salon and even Sunday blanked out, but what they don't understand is that I run my life according to two factors:

1. Hours dedicated to clients (45 a week to be exact),
and
2. Office time/ blog time/ time for meetings (approx. 10 more hours)

At the end of it, 60 hours a week or so is what I often work. Sundays I take a day to go shopping for salon and book keep and try to get my house back in order. I would hardly call that a day off. A true day off for me includes laying around in my Tashi-brand sweatpants and not even getting in the shower. Sounds gross to you, sounds like heaven to me.

On my day off, I sleep in late, read the NY times, sometimes I blog a little and I cook cook cook. If I decide to get ready, I go out for a cocktail or glass of wine in preparation of heading back to work.

Heading back to work in the salon or my office, there is one key factor I HAVE TO have: music.

As long as I have music wherever I am, I'm a happy camper.

So, you all asked me to talk about music and it's importance in our lives. I, of course, did my research and pulled up an article from USA Today and read about the health benefits of listening to music.

A few that I liked that really stood out were:

1. the fact that listening to music serves as motivation and increases endurance during a work out or activity.
2. Listening to ANY kind of music stimulates and uses the entire brain whereas watching TV or tweeting only uses like 10% of your brain capacity.
3. Listening to music can improve sleep quality and the depth of meditation practice.
4. Music is a natural stress reducer.
5. If you are depressed, don't reach for alcohol or chocolate, listen to your favorite kind of music. It elevates your mood.

All of the above reasons are true for my own life. I cannot imagine a salon or office, bar or restaurant without music. When someone or someplace lacks music, I ask, "what's going on?" or "WTF? They can't play music!"

In this edition of my blog, I don't have to consult the "Joshtionary" for a moral code or definition, but I would much rather transport you to Joshlandia and tell you what music means to me.

As a young child, I sang my heart out in choir and in many solo performances. Today, I can't croak an Amy Winehouse tune very well, but I love singing as much as the next American Idol. As a teenager, I was a dancer and competed in many talent shows and competitions as a solo act and often placed. Now, I won't even attempt to twerk; I'll sit with my drink and watch you. In my early twenties, I fell deeply in love with foreign composers and electronica as it enriched my yoga practice and spirituality. If you ask me about any Bjork, BT or Tiesto album, I will name all three of those artists are three of the most healing/spiritual people on the planet. They're not just musicians, they manipulate energy into something so sublime, it's like an orgasm in my soul erupting... yum!

Today, music for me enhances the salon experience, motivates me when I write and cook and often becomes the soundtrack to whatever I'm doing. Whether walking to work or dealing with a relationship hiccup, music gets me through my day.

I think musicians and producers are absolutely god-sent and talented in the most Divine sense of the word. I would never have wanted to be a popstar like Madonna or Gaga. I would have loved to be Bjork or BT. I think there are very FEW artists in popular culture that do anything with substance.

I love a good club record. I think those are underplayed and I think the club culture is a very spiritual culture. Dance music and EDM (as it's called now) is so spiritual. Each ripple, each vocal effect stirs something in us. There's something so primal about dancing to that kind of music.

I think the music of the 30s is laced in Gin-soaked microphones that harken back to when it was naughty to talk about booze and multiple affairs. You were supposed to Gershwin, not Billie Holiday! She was a renegade (if you ask me, so was Gershwin).

The music of the 60s brought up social issues and stimulated the sexual revolution that the world was going through. American teens said "Fuck the establishment" to many Dylan Records and lots of virgins lost their innocence trippin' to the Rolling Stones, Hendrix and Joplin.

The 80s was, by far, the decade of the one-hit wonder and had some of the funnest music to sing along to. The 70s had great songwriters and people loved embracing the art of poetry meets music. Songs meant something then!

I think everything past 1990 became very very very eclectic. It was an era when music became increasingly available in multiple formats and this is the era in which I grew up. Records, cassettes, CDs, Minidiscs, the creation of the WAV file and eventually the MP3 of the 2000s made it easier to love music.

Music excites. I personally can't play any on an instrument, but I can tell you style, producer and feeling behind each and every record on my iPod. For me, it's passion. It takes a simple glass of wine and makes it an experience whilst sipping it with my best friend. It takes cooking in my kitchen and elevates it to Food Network status. It heightens my senses when kissing someone for the first, second or thirtieth time.

That simple three-block walk I take every morning with my earbuds is like the opening credits to my HBO sitcom.

Music is powerful, friends. It takes any moment and makes it climactic.

Bopping my head now,
JRy

GOT A SUBJECT YOU WANT ME TO SOUND OFF ABOUT? TWEET ME @studiojry or email jcooley@fastmail.co.uk

JRy Takes On... Lies [V1.5]

Good evening friends!

Have you ever felt yourself creating more and more conflict in your brain for the mere fact that you just don't know the whole truth? If you're like me, your brain begin to wander when you find that people present themselves one way to your face, one way on the internet and one way in front of a group of people.

How much of this is being polite, living unauthentically or just living a lie?

Also, when someone tells you something false intentionally, do you feel betrayed?

Another thing to put in your cap and shake around is: are white lies really lies?

Let's get started talking about something that pisses me off to no end: LIES and the LIARS that live them.

A "lie" according to Wikipedia is:
1. A false statement made by a person intentionally
1a. Not the whole truth; intentionally deceptive statement.

There is also a "fabrication". A fabrication is
1. A lie told when they are not sure the statement is true.

Here's what I think: I can't stand a bold face lie! Generally people lie to protect themselves from a truth they don't want to admit or they lie because they are holding a secret they don't want to share. Generally that secret is something immoral, immature and unseemly. I've always found this to be true. Those of you reading this and shaking your heads are probably secret holders and should stop reading. I don't believe in secrets.

Fabrication, to be put simply, is a something gossipers (and the Bravo Housewives) use all the time. To me, a fabrication is an assumption you gave verbiage. Fabrication from from the root word "fabricate" which means to create. Basically, your lying ass made shit up. Gossip falls in this category 9/10 times (which is why I hate gossip).

The Joshtionary definition of lies and liars (pertaining to liars, fabricators and gossips everywhere) is defined by ME as:

1. Not being authentic
2. Someone holding a secret that hurts someone or themselves.
3. Not telling the whole truth (that's a "white lie")

Let's begin with

NO. 1: NOT BEING AUTHENTIC
I can't stand a fake ass person! Period. People that lie and fake their lives for the public, their friends, the internet, etc. are liars. They live in delusional worlds where their maladies reign supreme and they can say whatever the fuck they want and not pay for their actions. I find a lot of the new iGeneration to be fake and unauthentic.

I wish sometimes we had a limit on how many tweets and posts we could put in the world. Everyone is an authority now days and very few have worked for this title. Everyone is now a guru and everyone thinks they're friends with everyone on the internet. Sorry to burst your bubble, but that is all one big lie! You, my dear, are living a lie.

I don't and will never understand a person that lies for the sake of lying. When I hear someone lie to me or uncover truth they omitted from sharing with me, I believe you are covering up a secret about yourself that could hurt people or yourself. Which brings me to....

NO. 2: HOLDING A SECRET
I was raised being taught that secrets are bad. Secrets are unnecessary and I find anyone who holds a secret to be no better than Satan himself. Not to be preachy, but the word (not the name) sa-tan means deceiver. A deceiver makes you believe things that are not true. This can bring havoc and chaos to your life and cause analytical people like me to brainfuck themselves into a tailspin of depression (we'll talk about "letting go" in another blog soon, I promise).

I distinctly remember being blocked on the internet by a person I was seeing. The content was blocked because I found out he was sending dick pics, posting sexual stories and provocative material on the internet. This person solicited my friends for sex and this person "cheated" on me multiple times.

When I approached him, he said, "we never made anything exclusive" and would not tell me what he was doing. When I told him I had access to his material, he called me a creep and said that was a deal breaker.

You know why is was a deal breaker? I found his secret world of sexuality that he tried so hard to hide from me that was brought to my attention through my friend! News flash asshole: NOTHING ON THE INTERNET IS PRIVATE!

I feel sorry for him to this day. He lives a life I do not honor or hold in high standards. To me, if you wanna be slut, own it. Samantha Jones on Sex and the City did and Blanche did on Golden Girls, why can't you?

Imagine how betrayed and hurt I was when I found out, then having to crack the code and "creep" to find out everything people told me was true.

I still have a hard time dating....

NO 3: NOT TELLING THE WHOLE TRUTH (aka a white lie)
Someone once told me that white lies are harmless. I think this is true. A white lie is simply not confirming info.

Two things people can say I "white lie" or "omit" in my life are:
1. I never confirm where I was born (its not your business)
2. I never confirm who I am or am not dating or seeing romantically (again, sacred and not your business)

I'm not saying that white lies are the grey zone or the loop whole. I think white lies are a way of the person dealing with reality. They, themselves, haven't accepted the truth. For me, I'm not proud of where I was born. I'm partially ashamed. I never confirm because it's not part of my persona really. It has nothing to do with hair, my life or my family. It's not your business. I like being enigmatic. I would much rather you think I swooped into your lives much like Mary Poppins.

I don't confirm dating or romantic interest because I do not have a love life that has ever been honest to me. I have been cheated on three times. I obviously pick the wrong people. I have a "Type" that I like that is not good for me and I frankly don't want your pity or critique. If I choose to give someone multiple chances, that's on me. What a dumb ass! But those are two truths I have yet FULLY accepted about myself.

I wouldn't call this a bold face lie. I would say, white lies are simply non-confirmations.

Okay, little white liars out there. Thank you for reading.

My advice to you is this: dump the people that lie to you in your life, don't tell or hold secrets, and lastly, learn to tell the truth. You'll live a fuller life.

I promise.
JRY

DO YOU HAVE A SUBJECT YOU WANT ME TO COVER OR SOUND OFF ON? Tweet me @studiojry or email jcooley@fastmail.co.uk

JRy Takes On... Karma [V1.4]

Good evening friends,

I have to tell you that I am loving talking about some basic "life concepts". One of the fundamental concepts of life that people often forget (especially when heated or ignoring an incoming text message) is the concept of karma.

Let's think about it! We've all heard that word.

I remember mentioning this word to a very religious boss I had once and she told me that karma was a pagan act and concept. I had to kindly remind her of what I thought karma was: "do unto others as you'd have them do unto you."

Is that biblical?

Yes.

Is that hindu?

Yes.

Is that Wiccan?

Yes?

Every theology under the sun has always believed in karma. Whether you practice voodoo, prayer or just common sharing between your fellow man. You practice karma in everything you do. Karma, like love or smiling or singing has no religion or even spiritual premise. It simply is what it is.

When you look up "karma" on Wikipedia. Karma is a work that derives from sanskrit. It's the concept of performing an action or deed that sets the entire cycle of cause and effect into motion.

I think that's pretty clear in definition, don't you?

Here's what the "Joshtionary" says about karma:
1. Do unto others... (fill in the rest...)
2. Don't shit where you eat.
3. Don't point fingers.

Let me dive into these not-so-spiritual looks at a very spiritual topic.

#1. DO UNTO OTHERS...
I remember as a young 17-year old kid getting ready to complete high school having questions about religion and God. I also had questions about humanity and why the world was such a scary place. In the search to find a moment of clarity, I began doing a lot yoga, reading buddhist-based literature, read the Yoga Taravali and took up studying Kabbalah. Each item taught me alot.

I remember reading The Bible with my grandmother and remember how vengeful she made God sound. I thought, "how sad."

Why would someone create us to punish and destroy us. I began reading works by Rav P.S. Berg and Yehuda Berg and reading the concept "what happens below is above and what happens above is below."

This concept of what happens on Earth is also happening in Heaven corresponds to everything. If I'm having a shitty day, someone else is as well. If I smile at someone, they may just smile back. If I invest in a relationship, they will share and invest with me as well.

It wasn't foreign. It wasn't Jewish and it wasn't Buddhist. It was universal truth.

I know each morning when I wake up to greet the Universe with a humble "thank you".

If I wake up late and greet the day with a "aw..fuck" and slam my alarm clock across the wall, I have always found that the energy of the day tells me to fuck off and slams me around a bit as well. So, "Thank you" is my morning prayer of choice.

What you put out in the world is what you will receive.

#2. DON'T SHIT WHERE YOU EAT.
Let me explain this: have you ever had a friend you loved so much? You loved to gossip to them and tell them secrets? You then find yourself gossiping about THEM to others?

This is a common way of setting yourself up for failure in relationships.

I live by the concept of "if they gossip to you, they gossip about you."

This is no different for YOU.

We often try to become a Dahli-Joshua to our friends thinking we have the "Cat by the tail" (have the world figured out) only to exclude ourselves.

When we gossip about others, especially to mutual friends, we set ourselves up for a major public hanging. We see this happen constantly on each new season of "The Real Housewives" Franchise.

One day Lisa talks about Kyle. Kyle talks about Lisa and then they see themselves on TV and start to doubt each other's friendships.

We may not all have cameras following us around, but we should all act like it. I can't tell you how sad I get watching these beautiful botoxed bitches throw each other under the bus. They act like 3.8 million of us don't see them week after week on Bravo.

I make jokes about how I would LOVE TO BE on a reality show. Let me tell you: I'd put my foot in my mouth a lot and the city of Pueblo would probably avoid me.

Don't shit where you eat.

Act like TMZ and Bravo are following you every day. With every sip of alcohol, remember: the age of Twitter takes NO PRISONERS! We do it to ourselves.

#3. DON'T POINT FINGERS.
My grandma used to tell me not to point at people. I can tell you though: she pointed at you when she yelled at you!

Shakespeare was classic in saying that when you point the finger, three are pointing back at you. Let's take a break to try this.

Some spiritual systems believe that when you point or direct negative energy at someone, it comes back on YOU three-fold. I believe this as well. When I have to get "intense" with someone, I tend to put my hand up dramatic-style and Mariah-like with an open palm and my ring finger to my open palm. The reason for this is based on repelling someone's oncoming energy.

My placing my hand UP, I am NOT ACCEPTING what you have to say. Also, my ring finger is placed in a meditation sequence to try and keep my energy focused. Keep in mind, the rules of karma also mean that the OTHER person does NOT have to accept what I say either.

When things get intense, do not point. Just walk away. Call them for coffee the next day or simply write them off. In karma's wonderful universal way, you will buy each other a pause in your relationship.

Karma is a touchy subject because people only think about it as a negative repercussion; we often forget though that when you do something well and good for others or share with others that the universe gladly hands over the Light and sharing energy back to you.

How many times have you thought "can't the universe/God just throw me bone?"

You gotta through it one first.

Hope that helps.
Josh

Got an issue or subject you want me sound off on?
Tweet me @studiojry
or Email jcooley@fastmail.co.uk

JRy Takes On... Kindness [V1.3]

Good evening friends,

'Tis the season of giving, laughing, sharing, asking for things that we know only Father Christmas or an AmEx can give us and one very important virtue: kindness.

Now, I'm taking a break from the "deep issues" people on Facebook and email have asked me to talk about to make way for a rather positive interpretation of something all of us crave: Kindness. Now, kindness for me works in two facets:

1. What the Buddhists, Yogis and Hindus call "lovingkindness"; and
2. Compassion.

According to Wikipedia, "kindness" is a behavior marked by ethical characteristics, a pleasant disposition, and concern for others.

When you break all of this down, kindness isn't just throwing someone a smile or buying a sad sack friend a drink at the bar, kindness, to be broken properly is:

1. Doing the right thing for everyone (aka integrity)
2. Being humble and being someone others want to "feed" off of. (aka genuine charisma)
3. Practicing compassion.

When you apply these characteristic to the "Joshtionary" of life. I would mark kindness down as having three characteristics attached to a virtue.

1. Practicing silence through being a good listener.
2. Practicing compassion toward others.
3. Creating a warm environment for all.

Let's explore these in depth.

1. PRACTICING SILENCE THROUGH BEING A GOOD LISTENER.
Think about many of the conversations you've had with some of your best mates. The ones we usually remember the most are when someone sat with us, listened with us and didn't judge us. Remember back in entry V1.2 and V1.1 when I spoke about people throwing you under the bus and people that voice their harsh opinions in an aggressive and judgmental matter? This is what I'm talking about.

How many times have you just needed a sounding block or someone to vent to about your day and your fucked up family? Or how many times can you complain about your ex, lack of a love life or client that no-showed for the last three appointments? This person sitting across, beside or close to you (even over telephone or FaceTime) is a good, kind soul.

Being a good listener involves letting the venter get everything off their chest for the sake of releasing all their bad energy. You what happens to people that hold on to bad energy? They hold on til they begin to wilt like a flower with no water, sunlight or attention from it's gardner. They also develop what they will call a "thick skin" that eventually leads to a jaded opinion of the world and start to develop cancer and neurosis in the body. These people begin using heartbreak and illness to get attention and become energy suckers no one wants to be around because NOBODY listened to them properly.

We all have opinions when someone tells us a tragic story, but the way to be a good friend and be a truly spiritual being that practices lovingkindess is someone that listens without passing judgment. Jesus did this. Samantha on "Sex and the City" did this when Carrie cheated on Aiden with Big.

Remember the episode? Carrie and Sam are cleaning up a mess, Carrie admits her infidelity and asks, "don't you wanna judge me?"

Samantha calmly replies, "it's not my style." and winks.

This proves to me that Samantha was the most kind friend of the four women. Sure, she was a big slut, but she listened better than anyone and always had their girls' backs.

2. PRACTICING COMPASSION TOWARDS OTHERS.
Sometimes people have a really hard life. Sometimes people have a really hard day. Sometimes when they have an overdose of the two in a short period of time, they act up in a fucked up manner and become crabby patties like Squidward on "Spongebob Squarepants".

All Squidward needed was a compassionate friend. Spongebob always tried to be his friend. Spongebob never held anything against him either. Wanna know why? The character of Spongebob is a benevolent optimist that always saw his life as a glass; not a glass half empty or half full, just a glass. He woke up everyday wanting to be a good fry cook and walk his snail.

Squidward was always bothered by other people. Sometimes I feel like Squidward. I am always striving to practice more compassion because, honestly, I don't have it that rough in life, really.

Practicing compassion towards your friends and those in your life involves skill #1. listening and also learning to shut up and not cast judgment. You don't know WHY your grouchy friend acts like he does, just be there for him... no matter what a dick he is.

Finally, 3. Creating a warm environment for all.
Remember going to your grandma's house, friends house or even a distant single relative's house growing up? (for those of you that said, "no", please re-read my Squidward analogy)

We are attracted to people and places that make us feel the way Christmas morning feels. We like the feeling of not having to worry, not having a care and not being unsafe. Kind people have a non-threatening vibe around them. You want to give these people hugs, buy them presents and sometimes just say "thank you" for no reason.

I had a client bring me a card today that said inside, "you make me smile."

This is a from of lovingkindess. She also attached a Starbucks card, but her message warmed my heart. She took time to make me feel accepted and wanted.

This is the example of kindness. We don't see each other daily, I am not her child or spouse and we don't text or talk outside of her appointments, but she wanted to remind me that I matter.

I felt like a prince and couldn't wait to share with all of you on Facebook and Instagram.

Guess what?

You all make me smile and you know what? You all matter.

This isn't my way of expressing kindness. It's cos it's true.

Thank you.
Josh "JRY" Cooley

Got an issue or subject you want me to write about?
Tweet me @studiojry or email jcooley@fastmail.co.uk

JRy Takes On...Betrayal [V1.2]

Good evening friends,

I have to start off by saying thank you to everyone interacting on social media with me with the re-launch/debut of this blog concept. I literally have the highest ratings I've had on this blog in six months and I am so happy that people have read and responded to what I have to say.

There was a neck-and-neck race to the next subject you all asked me to tackle. It was a toss-up between "betrayal" and "heartbreak". I have actually chosen to take on "betrayal" first because heartbreak involves so many emotions and let-downs that involve the aspect of being and feeling betrayed.

So, let's get started.

As I looked on the internet on my iPhone and typed in "betrayal" on my Safari browser, wikipedia came up with the following definition of what Webster and his mates define as betrayal. It says, and I quote: "breaking or violation of a presumptive contract, trust or confidence which produces moral and psychological conflict in a relationship...."

Deep, right?

How many of you read that definition as you're scrolling this on your mobile devices and thought, "oh shit... [so and so] did that to me"?

The other thought you may have is, "that was my EX!!!!"

See? Now, you know WHY I couldn't tackle heartbreak quite yet.

So let's get started, here's what the Joshtionary defines betrayal as:

1. Someone who is a dear friend that suddenly doesn't have your back.
2. A sudden change in views due to:
a) fakeness or b) wanting to be accepted by others or another group.
3. Shady behavior.

As I type this, my ears and finger tips have turned red in absolute anger and jaded consciousness because I can name more than a handful of people that have done me dirty and have yet to "right" their wrongs with me. I digress though... we'll talk about forgiveness one day, but tonight it's all about the dirty sons-a-bitches that betrayed us.

In breaking down betrayal, we find that there are THREE components of a relationship that start to decay and eventually lead to heartbreak and psychological confusion. The first is......


BREAKING OR VIOLATING A 'PRESUMED' CONTRACT aka "The Bro Code"
One thing about friendships and relationships is that we often feel so close to people that we think just cos we now fart in sync with them that they always agree with us, our views and our goals. We also think that they will always be 100% #teamjosh or #team(enteryournamehere). NOT always so.

When you have a friend that you share intimate feelings and secrets with, you often say things to them that you would NEVER want the public to know! Let's take for instance Lady Gaga vs. Perez Hilton. Now, please understand, I think Perez is a total piece of shit and accidentally got famous. He could NEVER BE a trusted friend to anyone because think about it: he made his name bashing people on his internet blog when he was fat! All of a sudden, he lost his weight, stopped doing drugs and had famous friends.

Months later, we find out he now calls Stefani (Gaga) a drunk, a substance abuser and that she often showed up completely debauched to events and radio appearances and that HER TEAM is the only thing keeping her alive and in the scene. He ALSO panned her music and her relationship with cutie patootie Taylor. NOT COOL!!!

You know, I've had many a wild, drunken night with my mates and when one of them says stupid shit to me about being drunk or saying something while I was under the influence, I truly thinK the worst of them.. How many times can you judge me and why don't you have my mother fucking back? Perez was partying with Gaga and she probably flipped the bill for the asshole. I have been around many a "Perez" in my lifetime and I can tell you, once you stop paying for shit, they run! After they run, they run their traps. HE violated the terms of trust. HE was never a friend. Sadly, he forgets when he was a fat, lonely stoner looking for a rich fag hag.

BREAKING OF TRUST
If I tell you something as my friend, I expect what goes from my lips to your ears to be between me and you, not you and Facebook. Not you and work. Not you and your extended family. There are big things people should never tell. Thing regarding kids, sexuality, cheating and finances are all up to the teller, not the tell-ee aka listener.

Please keep in mind that I DO NOT believe in secrets. One reason is because anytime I shared something in my youth, my own words came to bite me in the ass later. The birdy that told everyone was ALWAYS my best friend at the time. Not fucking cool at all!

VIOLATION OF CONFIDENCE
Let's put it this way: you know when you fall in love with someone or you want to date someone, you have a couple dates, text all day and then you decide to have sex and they never call again? That's this!

People constantly build us up and then once they screw us, they run! They are out faster than Adam Lambert at a Madonna concert!! Always. I have had many people be invited into my "private world" or "private circle". They reap the benefits and get spoiled. Once I tell them "no". They shoot their mouth to everyone we know about what a c--t I am and what a snobby, bitchy, lonely gay man I am.

Luckly, through the years, my good friends that know us mutually know how to see through the bullshit and will either tell me they saw it coming or completely stop being as cordial to the user. These people that fuck you (mentally and many other ways) are users and you should cast them aside. Once someone messes with your confidence level and builds you up only to tear you down, it is your job to find your self-worth and remind the person that used you why you were and are special to begin with. If they fell in love with your big ego and then tell you two years later that your ego is a problem, it's because they became spoiled and now feel entitled to "serve you your ass" on a platter. Fuck that. Tell them to scram before they give you the boot.

As always, I have my own rules of life. I'm not going to talk about my exes or the assholes I loved through the years, I'm going to tell you how to be a good friend and avoid being a user and how to see the signs of a user.

#1. Always have your friends' backs. If you don't understand why they feel or say what they do, feel and say, ask them.
1a. When someone close to you judges you and doesn't give you a chance to explain yourself, begin cutting this person off! No more tickets "together". Always dutch dinners and start to limit your alcohol content around them.

#2. Don't ever change yourself and throw you friends under the bus to make YOU look better. You will look like a major douche and now karma's gonna come flying your way... and frankly, you deserve it.
2a. When someone starts talking shit or dissing you to a group of people to make themselves look better, leave the situation. Call them the next day and invite them out or have a serious conversation with them. No email. No text. Voices only! IF they say they're "too busy" to listen to you, You need to remind them that YOU are simply TOO BUSY to be their friend.

#3. Don't trust shady people. Shady people are as follows: people that password lock everything, people that stop talking or texting when you walk into a room, people that neglect to introduce you to their new friends and people that constantly change plans or flake out at the last minute. These people are NOT to be touched with a ten-foot pole, should never be invited to your home and should never know where you keep your hidden stash of money or expensive anime.
3a. Don't be fuckin' shady. See above. Do what you say you're going to do. Don't sugar coat or demean someone. It's dumb.

That's what I think about betrayal. Instead of focusing on what betrayal is or who has betrayed me (pay attention to my Twitter feed, haha), I wanted to let you know how to recognize the signs before playing Lana Del Rey, drinking red wine and playing with razor blades seems like a good idea.

Dump a user. They'll run out of ideas and energy soon enough.
JRy

Have an issue or subject you want me to talk about?
tweet me @studiojry
email @ jcooley@fastmail.co.uk

JRy Takes On...Friendship [V1.1]

Good evening friends,

A lot of people ask me my opinion regarding many subjects, things, places, etc and I wanted to create a place where I could give life to my feelings on those subjects.

Tonight on Facebook and Twitter, I asked what subjects the readers would love to see me "sound off" about. There's a lot of subjects in the world and alot of things that I would love to talk about. The coolest part about asking me about one, singular subject is that I cannot stop telling you about it in the most descriptive way I can possible. I'm very uncensored in my views and I believe that EVERYTHING has rules attached to it in life.

I got a lot of Facebook friends asking me to talk about betrayal and heartbreak and some "deep" issues. Since this is the first official entry of "JRy Takes On..." I wanted to dive into the essay-pool with something a bit lighter, if you will.

Honestly, to answer anything about betrayal later on in the blog, I have to start with my idea of...

FRIENDSHIP.

According to Google, "Friendship" is defined as the state of being friends. See also the following synonyms: association, bond and tie. There are many others, but let's look at the first three that pop up on Google search.

For me, the Joshtionary of friendship is:
1. Someone you would like to "break bread with"
2. Someone that has your back no matter what.
3. Someone you welcome willingly into your life.

I find those three criteria the best when I'm calling someone a friend. Now, for me, being in the public and knowing so many people, I have a lot of peers that call themselves my "Friends". Anyone that knows me, knows that I use that term loosely. I use the term "peers" because it's very vanilla, it's very proper and it shows no connection whatsoever. A peer to me is someone that is in your social circle, profession or life just because. Sometimes its business, and most peers do not have the opportunity to share pleasurable experience with me.

A friend is someone I can cuss around, eat around, talk about my family around and I know that they won't hold any of that shit against me. A peer or a business associate does one of the following things: 1. Judge you or 2. Throw you under the bus.

For me, my life is full of friends. I have a handful of great, intimate friends with my personal phone number, that have seen my home, that are welcome to eat and drink with me and have seen me ape-shit angry at least once.

Not all peers or business associates can handle those situations. A true friend that happens to work with you or is your client can! Luckily, I've been blessed with people that enjoy my company and over-opinionated mouth.

The sad part of welcoming people into my inner circle is that I often fall prey to a few "Snakes in the grass", just like many of you reading this. The saddest thing is when you open your heart to someone and they use your words or emotions against you. I think this is one of the most asshole-ish things you could possibly do! (see: betrayal in future blog).

Let me elaborate on what Google says...

ASSOCIATES or ASSOCIATION.
To me, an "associate" is NOT a friend. They can be "friendly" (adverb) with you, but they don't necessarily become your friends. You keep things relatively cordial when you see these people, the contact is very limited and it's always good to see associates because you don't exchange thoughts with them daily.

BOND
True, a good friendship has an invisible bond, much like a hair elastic that keeps all the little strands of verbiage, gossip, tantrums, late night hamburgers and happy hour confessions neatly bound together to the follicle that is your life. If that band BUSTS or breaks, we are devastated, why? We're devastated because we now have random "hairs" (trusted inhibitions) all over the place because the bond is gone. This bond in all relationships is called, "trust". Without the bond [trust], there is no ponytail... you know, friendship [it's a metaphor, people].

TIE
See "bond" above, just kidding....
A tie is more like something common that brought the pair of you together. Tie is most commonly seen in today's culture as the term "mutual friends" on Facebook. Have you ever been friends with someone for so long in real life and then you realize you know 800 of the same people? Why haven't you all hung out together? Wanna know why? There's a fear of breaking the special "bond" you have. Most of the 800 people you know mutually are just associates (see above). Ties are cool, but not so important. They can be cut faster than that fat ponytail you two are rocking!

NOW, let me elaborate on the Joshtionary terms of friendship:

#1. BREAKING BREAD
As the son of a world-class cook and amazing chef, I have heard the term "breaking bread" my whole life! As the grandson of a super religious Catholic-based family, I am haunted by the guilt of bringing someone to dinner that is NOT WELCOME. I was taught a long time ago that eating a meal with someone means a lot! When you cook for someone, you infuse love and your energy into your meal. Your company eats this energy and they say, "oh Mom Yvonne. That warmed my heart!"

In my case, my company says, "Oh Josh. What great bread in butter!"

Just kidding, try vodka, but I digress.

I have a rule. I do not tell intimate details to people I would NOT break bread with. I don't share meals with gossips, homophobes, overly religious, snakes in the grass, fake bitches or past enemies. Remember the energy thing? Yep. I'm eating yours and you're eating mine. I only invite people I love out to eat. There are family members that I will NEVER eat with. Sad, but true story.

#2. HAVING YOUR BACK
A good friend is a good friend for a reason. Remember the "bond"? We called that bond "trust". If there is NO TRUST, there is NO FRIENDSHIP. That's a peer or associate. Truly, as I type this, I am not sure 70% of my friends have my back. A friend will stick up for you no matter what you do! You don't have to be standing in the room with them. A true friend lives, breathes and shits the philosophical-psyche bond you have created together. IF someone tests that bond and your friends takes the OUTSIDER's side or defends them, they have betrayed you. Cut this person's privileges out of your bond. The first thing I do is STOP paying for anything. I no longer pick up the check at restaurants. I go dutch. I no longer buy more than one drink at the bar, I also start to limit my contact.

If you don't have my back, we have a problem!

#3. WILLINGNESS
Let's face it: we don't always LOVE our family members. Sometimes Thanksgiving feels like the Olympics at my house! We have the emotion category, the passive-aggressive dig category, the guilt category, the one-upper category, you get it. I have cousins and uncles that have mastered this shit show!

When we welcome a friend into our life and years go by, we start to do weird shit like let them babysit our kids and drink off our glasses or try a piece of our chocolate bar. Women start comparing boob sizes and gay men start showering together (haha--- just making sure you're paying attention). The point is, we do things with these people that are more intimate than we do with our own family and at some point, our friends feel like our adopted familia (que bueno!).

When you willingly open your heart to people, you will find that the conversations are deeper. Whether you discuss Miley Cyrus twerking or God's eternal plan for mankind, you are always interested. This person has a place in your heart when your sister has to sit shotgun or wait for the next bus to pick her up.... This person is almost your blood!

That's a friend.

Friendship is a beautiful thing. Without it, we'd die or get really old really fast. Sometimes I send my friends naughty text messages just to make them smile because I know they'll always remember my screwed up sense of humor and they know that I thought about them. I have gone many days when I thought no one thought about me. The only thing someone was looking for was a haircut or an extra five bucks off of something in the salon. I love getting random jokes and beautiful messages from my friends.

Without those bonds in our lives, life is full of lots of pricks. Honestly, start tallying up how many beautiful people are in your life. Think of who makes you laugh. If they don't or you roll your eyes when you think of that person, they're NOT a true friend.

Remember the laughs. Laughter guides you to really positive connections. I promise.

Thanks for reading,
Josh

Got a subject you want me to tackle?

Tweet me @studiojry
Email me @ jcooley@fastmail.co.uk

STILL a Pretty World. Now, a fabulous wrap-up...

Good morning Rockstars + Lambs!

Let me start this entry off as such:

THANK YOU.

Thank you to everyone that has followed my career through the years. Whether you followed my writing or my colorist-educator life (or both), thank you.

It's been two months since I've refreshed this blog and my video blog and I have much reason for taking the time. I am very notorious for taking "Garbo-esque" hiatus periods to re-group and sometimes re-hash format and material that should and SHOULD NOT be posted online.

For me (and anyone that knows me), I'm not a very censored person. I tend to be a bit more of a verbal exhibitionist and couldn't give two shits if you care or not. Actually, the blog community has always elevated me to seniority status and has garnered me three writing awards through the past three years and notoriety for being quick-witted and sometimes painfully honest about not only my friends and family, but ME.

In writing "Pretty World, Fabulous Life", I wanted to chronicle my journey in opening my own salon, how it affected me, my friendships and lifestyle. I think we've accomplished that! I'm not a novice anymore. I'm not some snot-nosed 22 year-old doing hair anymore. I'm not some lonely bisexual looking for love anymore. I'm not some spiritually-ambiguous human looking for inspiration in yoga and vegetarianism. I'm also not tacky like most of the people I see posting worthless material on the internet full of hate and unnecessary drama.

At 30 years of age, I can tell you the following: I'm an authority at what I do and what I teach, but I am a life-long student. I have learned that love is looking for me, but I keep looking for it in the wrong places. I am also VERY grounded and convicted in my spiritual practices.

All of these aspects of my life are monumental changes from who I was eight years ago when I began blogging and airing out dirty laundry or playing passive-aggressive jujitsu behind my keyboard and iPad. I've grown tired of defending myself and proving myself to others and I've grown tired of the narcissism that plagues this generation of iGeeks and Tumblr-philes and Snapchatters. I want no part of that. I want nothing to do with people that partake in such things.

.......Let's talk abit about Volume 1 of this blog: I was just opening my salon and didn't understand how to separate my personal and professional life. Check. Volume 2: I became notoriously angry on the internet and began referring to myself as #cooleyisthenewgarbo on the internet. It became a success and a cult-label and still is. I also fashioned the term "hiatus" and banished some very nasty friends from my pretty little kingdom. By Volume 3: I expressed my heartbreak and my blogs became more and more spaced because the pain caused in Volume 2 was snowballing into my life. Okay, not so fun, right?

Well, let me tell you: it taught me alot. It taught me that I have thick fucking skin and always have.

I began taking time away from my "personal" blogs and focusing on my HIT blog "Rockstar Slums". "Rockstar Slums" currently has 20,000 visitors a month and my education program Josh Cooley Atelier launches next year as a baby brand for young hairdressers and seasoned beauty pros. You see, I simply do not have time to be the wet blanket in my own life.

I do, however, have time to taught about the things that make me tick like "friendship", "kindness" and many subjects.

Transforming this blog into an advice/well-being blog is a goal of mine. I get asked advice all the time. I want to share with YOU how my brain works. I want to connect more in depth with you than I can on Twitter.

In recent months, I can tell you what let to this "awakening".....

#1. I miss writing essays about life.
#2. I miss the intimate connection my writing brings.
#3. I miss sharing life-lessons.
#4. I dumped a shit-load of friends from my roster at my therapist's advice.
#5. I dumped my therapist.
#6. I fell in love with the wrong person and acted inappropriately.
#7. I fell out of love with that person only to realize it's okay to love someone, but not be "in love" with them.
#8. I missed writing about it and speaking about it.
#9. I missed you all.

My writing has always been very honest. I admire that. I admire honest people. I recently read a blog about me posted on a social media site calling me many things I wasn't. I saw what this person had to say and really evaluated the situation described only to say, "guilty!"

I can raise my hand high knowing I owned my actions. I also apologized and never got acknowledgment back for apologizing. I only got more passive-aggressive behavior and instead of shutting down (which I'm usually accustomed to), I took it like a man. I probably got a little drunk as well (lol), but I stopped and looked at who I am and who this beautiful person was writing these horrible things about me and said, "that's enough!"

So, ladies and gents.... my life begins anew. My writing begins anew. My role as an educator and salon owner begins (you guessed it)... ANEW!

There are no more "pretty" adventures to write about... That was all in my twenties. Time to focus on bigger, better things, not baby boys and baby girls talking shit on the internet.

I've missed you all and miss sharing my opinions. So stay tuned for my new blog-venture and as they say in Hollywood: THAT'S A WRAP.

-Josh "JRy" Cooley
(the pretty boy and the pretty world are now complete)