03.05: Just be honest

Hi friends,

Thanks so much for checking out my blog.

I wanted to take the time to thank you personally as I have received a phone call just within the week telling me I was the recipient of the GOLD award for Best of Pueblo Best Local Blog or Blogger. Last year, I took home the honor at the bronze level and this year it is so honorable to be voted your favorite.

One thing that I want people to understand that I do not take any of my online success with a grain of salt and I do know exactly what content I am putting on the internet. I generally reserve Facebook for business and talking about the blogs, but even I get wrapped in the world of selfies and drunk-FBing.

It's sucks doing "damage control" the next day. (LOL)

Everyone and their mom knows that I love tweeting! I say whatever the fuck is on my mind and don't care. That's the fun of Twitter!

My blogs vary... you know, five years ago, I didn't realize that "Pretty Boy Education" would become a hit or that it would spawn my column "Haute Mess" off of my critiques and fashionable adventures between me, my friends, social media and many cocktails.

When I created the sequel "Pretty World, Fabulous Life: Inside Studio JRy" last year as an homage to my private life and all the questions people ask me, I didn't expect to win a BEST BLOGGER award.

"Rockstar Slums" came shortly after and has become a crazy success with over 16,000 readers every month. Holy shit! Who knew!

I don't want to boast, but I must tell you, the times I've been most successful in my life is when I was most authentic and unfiltered. Another crazy thing is that every time I win an award, make an appearance as a color educator or speaker, my friends normally gang up on me and kick the emotional shit out of me.

Last time I wrote, I talked about seeing a therapist and making life adjustments. You know? I really believe that it was the best thing I ever did.

I've had alot of people pipe up recently and try to talk down to me and what I can tell you is that counseling has taught me NOT TO BE as passive aggressive as I have been in the past. Before, I'd stay quiet and change the subject or buy a round of drinks or give a gift to soften the blow... what sense does that make?

Why should I reward someone or anyone for being a dick?

You shouldn't!

Recently, I've put my foot down and let EVERYone know: you cannot bully me!!!!

I'm known for expressing my opinion and being a hard-ass, but one thing I will not permit is someone being a jerk or a smart-ass. People are very very courageous behind the screen and never able to "pipe up" in public. I don't give a fuck; I'll give you my two cents and I think everyone should!

It's not being mean or brash, it's being honest, folks!

Seriously.

When did we all become castrated sheep following the flock with no nuts?

I want to tell anyone of you reading this: I am BEHIND YOU 100%. TO ALL MY READERS, CREATIVES, FRIENDS, CLIENTS and UNDERDOGS, I AM BEHIND YOU.

If you are sincere, and you really are striving to be authentic, I want to raise you up.

If you are a coward that sends hateful messages or talks shit online and acts a fool in public licking the good ol' boys' asses, I do not. I will not support your projects or even recognize you.

You can't validate or recognize fakeness. It's not worth the honor.

Therapy taught me something. It taught me to listen to ME, NOT anyone else. Wanna know how I know I'm on the right path? I feel so much better and am healthier in many ways because of it.

For anyone rolling their eyes as they read this thinking "how did he win best blogger?", just stop. I think it's time for the world to be honest. The people of this world live in a nonsense bumble of Tumblr, Grindr and social media telling and showing them what they want to hear.

Stop.

Just be honest with your self. If you're not sure of who you are, just ask yourself: "is this what I like showing the world?"

Authentically yours,
Josh

03.04 : Let the healing begin...

Today I stepped away from the salon as the floor got fixed, but something I can share with you all is that I have been fixing things in my life. 

It has taken me a large amount of courage to divulge the following, but about one month ago, I began seeing a therapist to help me deal with depression. 

I have found that a key factor to my depression is stress and guilt. Unhealthy habits like binge drinking DO NOT help and I have been on a mission to improve my life through meditation, prayer, yoga, working out and even pulling away from the Internet. 

One of the hardest things I can share with you is that studies have been shown that social media stunts a person's creativity and makes them anxious. 

The first exercise my therapist told me to do was to approach key figures in my life and have a grown-up conversation with them telling them how I feel. 

This became difficult as I approached my parents, friends and transgressors in my life. The first week was spectacular! I made huge progress.

Within a week, I had an altercation with a local business owner in town that was once a friend. 

My therapist also advised me to take a hiatus from my blogs and limit my social media. It has been so tough and I have had a couple "melt downs" publicly as I approached the inner-workings of progressive conversations I've had with toxic people in my life. 

With no blog, I had to learn to privately journal and have made the decision to eliminate my YouTube channel and cease production of my book. 

I turned to my best friend and he helped inspire me to create more positive online works. In September, I will debut two new blogs and continue on with "Rockstar Slums".

In an attempt to be more active and have less "thinking" time, I have become very active in two community organizations. 

I feel like a large percentage of my depression comes from my passive aggressive nature to air-out dirty laundry via Twitter, but not directly. 

I had become a coward and a very angry, jaded person. I have also identified that my drinking habits are not at all alright. 

I understand that a good cocktail is appreciated, but 4 is a problem... Especially 4 nights or more a week. 

As alcohol has NEVER affected my work or professionalism, it has altered my character and I am truly ashamed of some of my doings as of recent. 

I can't tell you all how much fear I have of telling you all via my blog how much it hurts me to be so vulnerable, but it was high-time I admit that I have not been happy as of late.

I am a talented young man approaching 30 and for once I felt as though I was falling off the turnip truck. (NOT a fun feeling!) 

I want you all to know that I truly believe that a good therapist will help you on your path to healing and show you how to identify "triggers" in your life. 

It takes a strong person to identify their weaknesses. I am strongly telling you that each day has progressed and shown me more about my character.

I am MUCH better than depression and want to be very public in saying I need privacy (as much as can be expected) in this healing process. 

warmly and thankfully, 

Josh 

03.03: Don't Be A Bully...Be A Friend

What's up Rockstars + Lambs!

It's 2:30 in the afternoon and I'm just going through my work week trying to tie all of my loose ends together before the weekend starts off. There isn't much going on in my life or much involving many people at this time in my life.

Frankly, I've been more concerned with tending to business and browsing clothes and shoes for a lit of events I have coming up later this year. Is that too diluted of me? I don't think any more than normal.

I had a lot of responses to the last blog and want thank everyone for believing in me and sending well-wishes hoping and praying for a larger salon space. At this time, I haven't followed up at all with any meetings or anything really. I am at a stand-still as I wait for the "ok" from investors. I've never ever ever ever had to work with investors and I'm still not sure as to how I feel about it.

You know, the advice I give people is that: when in doubt, don't do it.

It's hard taking my own advice, ya know? A part of me is very content in my business and part of me is overzealous to get a new concept started with a great staff. The theory of "build it and they WILL COME" is not always a reality.

As I've shared with many my intentions of a cool-ass large salon, some people come up to me and reply:

"I thought you wanted small."

"Are you still going to do hair?"

My closest friends say "do it" and then I have some that doubt me and nothing hurts worse than doubt from a close friend.

I shared with a friend recently that I was pricing real estate and feeling out the market in California... Just a thought.

She abruptly interrupted me with, "So. um. How soon til you make THIS happen?"

I said, "I don't know . Just a thought."

She said, "Josh, you tend to work fast with ideas and if you want it, you normally try to get it ASAP."

I don't agree with her. It took me 18 months to plan Rockstars + Lambs and there are days I'm still NOT happy with my investment. Then, on a smooth day, it's as if God let me know I made a good call.

One of the main things that stops me is that I constantly stop and inspect my finances. I have to be honest: I made ALOT of financial mistakes when I was younger and as I started making GOBS of money, I started partying and buying label-items. Material things don't show you anything about yourself except how much of your bank balance is going away.

When I think of the people I spent money on and look around, not one of those motherfuckers is here to offer advice or a listening ear, much less pick up a drink at the bar.

Most of them have gotten pregnant, married, don't do much for their careers like when we were younger. Nothing. Not one damn thing.

You might call me jaded. HAHa.

I would call me a "burnt bitch". My feelings are still hurt by many things and it has shown the last few months, if not years.

I sometimes feel like the only one on my side is my assistant. She just gets it! She knows my next move before I make it. I have two great friends in my life that are sometimes not all they are in my brain. One of my friends is very critical of the other and the other can offer criticism and it erks my female friend.

Recently, my friend expressed concern that I may be building my best friend up in my mind. I saw her point, but you know what? I don't agree. I don't agree at all. All I see is jealously.

However, on the other hand, I feel very empty in all my "friendly" relationships at this time. It's a sad day at Josh's house.

For me, I feel like if I don't have a "gift" for someone, they don't give a shit. As soon as I give or buy something, they're right there.

The other thing I am not happy with is being talked into a corner by people that have been labeled my confidantes. I don't like someone assuming that talking down to me is the way to allow me room to grow.. it's bullying!

I don't believe that you can befriend a bully and I certainly don't think a good friend would mean to bully.

As I think about the space I'm in mentally, I have to share the following with you:

Last Volume, I had a love interest. The love interest fell through. We had a great couple days (and nights together) and an excuse was made that he would not be able to see me. I have seen this person multiple times out at the same watering hole.

The first time, I was with my best friend and ignored him. The next time I saw him, it was he and I alone in the bar. I asked him if I could speak to him.

He replied, "sure."

As I went to talk to him, my words and demeanor became so transparent that I began to drink more and ask intruding questions, then, I did what I hate most: I BULLIED him into an answer as to why he didn't like me.

He excused himself and went to the restroom. I ordered a shot crown and proceeded to get wasted.

The next morning, I woke up forgetting what had happened verbally at the bar. I was so embarrassed and didn't even remember paying my tab. I did however reach out to both my friends via text with no response received.

As I sat in silence for most the morning, I was annoyed at not only my behavior, but at the double standard that has been applied to me.

I will never bully someone to like me, love me, or want to be with me. But I will make damn sure that if you say you're my friend, you act like one.

One of the most disheartening feelings in the world is the feeling of rejection and with that said, I think it's evident what this post is about.

I've been rejected and critiqued and want it fixed.

Where do I even begin?

I love my friends and want this in my life, but I have to tell you that when I am constantly doubted, rejected and made second best, it's the same as slamming me against a wall and asking me to be quiet.

Don't be a bully. Be my friend.

03.02 : A big leap, a big chance...

What's up Rockstars + Lambs?

It's late on a Monday evening and I'm sitting here catching up on my DVR and sipping coffee and tending to a to-do list.  Actually, I'm taking a break from my to-do list to finally write a blog.

It saddens me when I'm not able to make a connection with my tweethearts through blogging.  I love the connection and reaching out to the public via social media and online sites when I'm not in the salon.  It means a lot to me.

Lately, it's been a bit different for me behind the scenes as I'm changed my after-hours schedule to include an earlier bedtime (hard to believe, I know) and with that said, I find it very hard to calm my mind.  The average set up for me is to turn a majority of the lights off at 10pm at my home and turn the TV down low and begin reading or replying to emails or some of your messages, by 11pm, I try to disconnect myself from my phone and read a spiritual book or watch an old 1930s movie, slowly, sleep sets in and I migrate to my master suite and attempt to stay there til 4:30 or 5 and make my way to the gym...

The biggest thought on my brain keeping me up lately is my longing to expand Rockstars + Lambs to a larger location.  I have found a location about 3,000 square feet (up from my 840 square foot studio) and wonder if its too soon to invest in my future and expand my team. 

There's so many cool things I could do in a bigger space with a team and then there's the overwhelming weight of me NOT wanting to start over again.  Honestly, as a salon owner, there are some things I'm just NOW figuring out. I am to the point where my assistant and I are on the same page and my internship program is a talked-about commidity.

Part of expanding into a larger space is NOT ONLY to be a place for top color and top colorists trained by me, but also to open a training facility for other hairdressers to expand there knowledge through advanced education and to mentor young stylists as I'm doing now.  I said about a year ago that my goal was to grow my brand.

I had to ask myself: what does the Josh Cooley brand include?

My answer was: top skill. top professionalism. top in education.

The key to all this is education. Without being properly trained or educated, no body can grow in any industry they select to be a Rockstar in.  I truly believe that.

In bringing on my assistant as a permanent feature, I've been torn as to how I will manage a staff, teach and mentor.  I need a director of the Josh Cooley brand.  Most people tell me "well, Josh, that's you!"

No.  I'm the Creative Director.  I say use Joico color and listen to Beth Minardi and myself and reference Vidal Sassoon, but put the Josh spin on it."

That's being creative.

A director manages the facility, the money and the growth of the brand. My goal has always been to bring my mom into the equation. For 30 years, she has managed restaurants under my dad's franchise and she is very good at it.  The restaurant industry and the salon industry are different, but have one thing in common: guest satisfaction.

I think she'd be good at this.  

As part of growing my brand and education brand, I have begun work on new imagery and working on books to go with the proper tools needed to create a truly independent professional stylist.  It is hard work!  It has taken me eight years to understand the equation, with the last five being very successful and first one being a drag.

I have worked for three major haircare companies and educated thousands of professionals and STILL do not feel as though I have arrived fully as an industry educator.  I often feel "dumbed" down by manufacturers due to the politics involved in booking a class.

When I started booking Josh Cooley: Atelier classes privately, my reputation surpassed me.  As much as I love working with the Joico and Minardi brands, I feel very sad that they have not fully utilized me as an important color educator in my native territory.  I had to take things into my own hands and begin teaching MY WAY.

I have NEVER let a company hold me down or put me in a box and as much as I have loved all my business associates, that is all they ever become. They never have truly become my partner.  I invest thousands of dollars year into being brand specific and hope that one day, they reciprocate and invest in me.

With that being a far and few dream, I created the education at Rockstars + Lambs and trained seven young colorists and over 200 professionals at various Academies in Colorado.

Why wouldn't I gamble it all and invest in a bigger space?

It can only get better, right?

03.01 : Refocusing thanks to Joan and Greta

Good afternoon lambs,

It's about 12:30 pm in the afternoon and I am tapping away at my keyboard sipping a water and listening to Brazilian Bossa Nova. It's been a rather calm morning and looks like it's going to be quite the busy afternoon.

When I last left you at the end of last volume, I was on my journey of being solo and disconnecting from obligation to friends and expectations and what I can tell you is that when I checked my Facebook inbox, I had a great deal of messages asking me if I was alright. The true story to all this is that I needed time to think about what my next goal in life is going to be. Owning a small salon and being a public figure in my demographic is nice, but as the natural progression of things takes place, I of course, want more professionally.

Last month, I had the pleasure of meeting one of my mentors, Ms. Joan Rivers and we had a delightful little talk while I did her hair. He last words to me were "dump the boyfriend and move to LA."

Firstly, there's no boyfriend. But what I took this as was to dump all my yearnings for one particular person. As the month went on, I was in very little contact with one of the most important people to me. It gave me time to think about expanding my business into a much larger space and think about hiring a staff and making some waves HAPPEN in this community.

Also, my five year plan is to launch a kick-ass staff, an education facility for other hairdressers and start traveling to LA for work on bigger projects throughout the year.

I have to tell you, Joan really inspired me that day. Not just that day, but for many years now. In the bar, I want to emulate her comedy. With my friends, I want to be as worldly and classy as she is, but behind the scenes, she's alot like me. She's quiet, hilariously quiet at that, and has exquisite manners and does not desire to talk to multiple people for too long.

Like Joan, I love meeting people and familiar faces, but also like Joan, I like to curl up with a book and write.

Like Joan, I like the spotlight to be on me, but also like Joan, I don't like be around large crowds of strangers.

I think if Greta Garbo would have been alive, she would have enjoyed Ms. Rivers' humor.

One thing I love about Joan is her philanthropy and charity work and as my assistant pointed out, I have always been involved in charity work. I tend to be very quiet about my causes as I was taught by my rabbi not to bring attention to charitable contributions because it would not be considered giving from my heart, but for public recognition.

As usual, my mother has been my main confidante these past few weeks, but even at that, we have had our distance and she has noticed the difference in my outlook on business, love and friendships. I'm a bit more muted and even though I get hurt by the actions of others, I have to be honest in saying: I think they are completely oblivious to the fact that they have hurt me.

In the last few weeks, I have taken one of my interns and brought her on board as my color assistant and style associate. She is amazing and compliments the salon very very well.

I've had many a lonely walk and lonely drink these past five weeks by myself and have allowed my close friends and others to move on to other projects and crowds. They're not fired, but I feel that they need a change from some of the monotony of hanging with me.

I love to talk about business or make inappropriate jokes while sipping the same cocktail. Not everyone is about that all the time. A lot of the time, I like to just go for a cocktail as a solo act, reply to your tweets, read the Huffington Post and NY Times on my phone and look at my email. I'm not a fan of obnoxious drunks or people displaying "liquid courage" anymore.

For me, a typical day starts very early, includes working out, meditating and breakfast out. As soon as my feet hit the salon, I'm obsessed with giving my clients the best experience and tending to outside business, phone calls and emails that need my attention as a business man should prioritize them. A late dinner follows as well late tweets and reading a book by my rabbi and an old movie playing in the background.

This summer could be pretty calm and reclusive. More than most.

Slowly, I am either "growing up" as they say or as I view it: refocusing my attentions to what really matters.... just like Joan and Greta would do.

Thanks for the inspiration ladies,
Josh

Volume 02 Hiatus 5/13-6/1 2013

Hello my darlings!

Thank you for reading this volume of "Pretty World, Fabulous Life". 

I am formally taking time to work on new endeavors, focus on my book, rehabilitate my personal life at home and take time for spiritual awareness. 

I have been so blessed with so many opportunities and want to thank all the #joshafterdark listeners. That chapter has closed and we are now working on volume 3 of "Dancing With the Pueblo Starz" (coming in October) and more education opportunities at Rockstars + Lambs.

Please visit Josh-Cooley.com for more and tweet me personally @studiojry.

I will be appearing May 14th at the Spirit of Women Gala and have the distinct pleasure of styling Ms. Joan Rivers for the event. 

Happy tweeting and see you in June!

-Josh Cooley 

02.13 : A Solo Act

Good evening Rockstars + Lambs!  

Whew! What an amazing eight months it has been.  Tonight, I'm sipping a cup of coffee and took the time to re-read the last Volume of "Pretty World, Fabulous Life".  I have to say, we started out with some drama and little bitches talking mad shit, had some calm moments, some highs, some more talk and some more lows... although, as I re-read my own words, I can see growth on a personal level.

I have blogged heavily for the last five years, won awards for them and even gotten in trouble for them.  This last volume of "Pretty World, Fabulous Life" was THE MOST spread out volume.  I generally used to write once or twice a week and these days, it's maybe twice a month... 

I'm learning that feeding the drama online means nothing.  It doesn't elevate me to a higher spiritual plane and I don't feel like fueling the fire of internet gossip anymore.

As I settle in for my Volume 2 hiatus, I wanted to take the time to affirm the following lessons for you that I have learned in the last year and half of blogging about my life as a salon owner.  

LESSON 1: Diet

-eight months ago, I went 90% gluten-free, began juicing and working out.  Eight months later, I feel better than I ever have and am in better shape than I have been in a long time.  I have learned also, that inviting others to dinner is not my priority.  I love cooking, eating alone and even look forward to eating a salad.  That is something I don't think I would have ever said.  Tonight at Mother's Day dinner, I looked forward to a large salad.  Pinch me! 

LESSON 2: Friendships

-I can literally count my trusted individuals on one hand and even then, THEY have the ability to disappoint me. What I've learned is that no body is perfect.  No one! When you start to pick apart people's attitudes, its time to have some distance.  

LESSON 3: The Power of four

-There are two people I will drop anything for and two others that are always there for me.  They don't need to be named and I will not exploit them online.  What you should know is that I don't believe in sharing this precious group with the world as the world influences everything via social media these days.  To protect THEM sand ME, I write stories, but very rarely mention names.  It's for my safety and my heart's safety that we don't get too specific.

LESSON 4: Distance and Silence

-I love being Garbo and vanishing from online, person, public appearances, phone calls and replying to messages.  For some, they have categorized me as withdrawn and a snob, but truly.  I get more done, not feeding the beast known as the public.

LESSON 5: I am not meant to be in love.

-I attempted earlier this year and have pined for the same person in the past and to this day, still do.  Nope.  We're done.  It's time for them to seek ME out.  If that means I'll be lonely forever, then, I prefer it that way.  I would much rather be alone that chase a passive-aggressive long-distance relationship or a promiscuous person I find attractive.  I'm not cheap or low rent, I am HIGH END real estate as far as I'm concerned.  I'm worth more than a broken heart or night of ejaculations.  (sorry to be so graphic) LOL

LESSON 6: California

-Cali taught me that I can make it anywhere.  Cali also taught me that famous doesn't make you special or classy.  Cali doesn't mean you're richer, prettier or thinner than me either. 

LESSON 7: Privacy

-I'm working on alot of projects.  You don't need to know with whom I'm working and frankly, you don't give a shit.  No one funds my company, I do. I am self-made and continue to be.  So, I can disclose what I want or move on without mentioning a word...

LESSON 8: The internet is full of haters.

-I can't even keep track of the feuds.  What you should know is- I do NOT always take the high road and if YOU tweet me negative shit, I will probably retweet and reply.  If you talk shit on Facebook, I will probably screen cap it and make you own up to it.  Also, if you want to approach me in public, you had better be ready for a verbal smackdown.

LESSON 9: I don't need YOU to complete ME.

-I've said once and will say it again, my clientele is my most important asset.  I am proud to be a working stylist, a business owner and will strive to be better.  I don't need a partner or my loved ones to support me.  It's nice if they do, but I'm a solo act.  I will always make the best decisions for me even when others do not agree.

Finally, my loves... as I settle in for a hiatus, I want to tell you.  I am in a good spot.  I need time to think about things... I need to go for walks, be away from people and re-prioritize WHO and WHAT matters.  If you cannot lift me up to shine, I cannot reciprocate.  If all you have is critiques of me and my character, please kindly walk away.  If you are a flake that makes promises and cannot follow through, we will never do business together, break bread or be friends.

I'm alright being solo.  I prefer it...

Let's see what this summer brings.

Josh