Inside Studio JRy: The Mister

Good evening my gorgeous friends!

I'm sitting here sipping German seltzer water and looking over the past week.  I can honestly say: well played Universe!

We had a fabulous week in the salon and a decent week out and about. I learned a lot about myself just as I do on a weekly basis and YES, it's weekly for me! HAHA.

It's funny how things in our lives change, you know?

If you've kept up on the internet at all, you will know that I took a bit of a comedy hiatus from performing for a month and have been working on new material for the 2015 year.  Also, it's the holiday season and I rarely (I mean that) work on anything besides the holiday season that doesn't involve my family.

This last five weeks has been a welcome change of pace as I've welcomed someone new into my life and have taken the time to duck out and work on building a 100% honest, in-your-face, truly in love relationship.

I met The Mister a couple months back and he approached me to start dating and seeing each other exclusively about five weeks ago.  I didn't talk about it at first, but I did tell the ones closest to me how excited I was to embark on this journey.

I made a vow when I turned 30 NOT TO ACT as I did in my 20s and one thing I always did in my twenties was date cheaters.  God, how I hate cheaters! I realized that I was the reason for the cycle in my life and I began opening myself up to the possibility of dating again this past summer.

You have to understand that dating for me is not having random sexual escapades or sexting or even uttering those words to someone.  I believe in courting someone and being as old world as you can in our oversexualized culture.  I can't stand promiscuity and DO NOT practice that.  So, as I began approaching the idea of dating, I aptly re-labled the prospect as "Finding a partner" in my head.  I was not looking for an easy fuck or a holiday boyfriend, I was looking for true love and I was looking for honesty.

The Mister approached ME.  This was something so different as I have NEVER been approached by anyone. In the past, I always did the chasing.  I took the plunge and have never been happier.

Alot of people made comments that my comedy wouldn't be funny and that I would lose friends, well let me clarify that people that speak like that are incredibly jealous and should open their eyes to the world around them.  

It was time to take a break and incubate as a writer (both blogging and comedy).  Also, I have included my friends in this new transition and I have had a handful of back-handed compliments and some full-on lovely support.  Frankly, I am happy and won't listen to negative people.  They all fish themselves out anyway...

If I had to describe my relationship, I would say: I found the Gavin (Rossdale) to my Gwen (Stefani).  I think they're sweet, attractive and like to stay away from the tabloids! 

For nearly a decade, I have been an internet success, a beauty industry success and a local celebrity.  I will always be those titles to everyone, but to be with my partner is the most amazing feeling at home because no matter what is going on OUT THERE, I know there is no way it can affect our relationship.

As a very public persona, I can tell you that I guarantee that blogging, comedy and my salon life have not lost any speed or timing for success, but I did find it very healthy to shut off my iphone, ipad and social media (as well as my social life) to nurture this new bond I have grown so fond of and intend on making permanent.

I want to tell anyone out there in a fresh relationship the following:

Always know this- people have opinions.  They have the right to feel how they feel both happy and sad, both ecstatic and both jaded.  Don't shoo them away, just let them come back when they're ready to accept your life transition to being someone's significant other.

Secondly and lastly- block out the world and listen to your partner.  Make sure everything the pair of you do is something you want for both and be sure to be your own person even as a couple.  That's the only way you will find happiness in being together.

I love you all for reading and welcome you to my life as I transition to life as the other half to my Mister....

xox- j.

Inside Studio JRy: Did you make the cut?

Good morning friends!

It's about 4:30 am as I type this!

What a night I had!

Wow wow wow! Happy Hour turned into happy night without my knowledge.

All I remember is going home and waking up in my bed.  That's all.

So, now it's 4:30 and I feel rested as I drink alkaline water (yes, I do stuff like that).

I was thinking about a lot of stuff: I have to tell you, I am incredibly concerned about my health all the time.  NOT in a bad way! Don't get me wrong, this last six months has been a journey! 

When you move on from a key person in your life like an ex or a best friend that no longer speaks to you, you start to rebalance your life if it shakes the very core of who you are.

For me, it was giving up meat. It was giving up depending on others and it was me throwing myself into my work.

I laugh at heartbreak these days because I know my habits when I'm upset.  I tend to overbuy items like bottled water and yogurt and vow never to eat meat again. LOL.  It's all very silly in grand scheme of things, it really is.

I feel like I've had a major re-balance in my life as I've hit an echelon others find monotonous or even obnoxious.  People have told me to take a break, people have told me I seem happier, people have told me I seem distant and some people have even said I seem to have it all.

The truth is: I'm very blessed.

As melancholy as I sound at times, I have to say that I don't ever purposely mean to be that way, that's just who I am.  Melancholy is not a bad thing.  Sometimes melancholy is a way of being a realist in a world where people are incredibly fake.

I can't tell you how many fake-ass people I have had around me in the last decade, but I'm glad that they keep their distance.  I can't possibly deal with someone that "pretends" to live a perfect life or have a perfect facade. I believe in the beauty of imperfection and I believe in the wholeness of being alone.

For me, those have been the only two traits in me and in many others that I know to be true.  For others looking into my life, it seems like snobbery or discrimination, but they don't understand that I hold snobbery and discrimination at high value levels in life because it means that you have standards.

That's where I'm at in my life mentally: re-balancing my standards.

I don't have time for evaluations from dumb people that just don't get me and I frankly do not believe I have to explain myself anymore to anyone.

I re-read my last blog about being "defeated" and I think the vulnerable words that were written by that vulnerable person are just that: honest and uncut.

Maybe that's where I'm at in my life: honest and uncut.

Did YOU make the cut?

-J

Inside Studio JRy: Defeated

Good evening friends,

How has your weekend been?

How has your transition to fall been?

I have to tell you, it's been a difficult two weeks.  Very difficult.

Situations have included: being asked to leave restaurants by bigot owners, being asked to leave organizations, being told I'm not funny, being forgotten and taken for granted, being yelled at in bars and involving my friends have all spiraled to me just wanting to take a break.

I could bore you with each of the above mentioned issues, but it's very hurtful for me at this time to know I'm been blatantly left-out of events, blatantly lied to and blatantly reminded that I am not everyone's favorite person.

It's been a good six months of transformation since I said goodbye to Andrew being in my life, but it has been a roller-coaster with his friends since he moved.  I have repeatedly been attacked verbally and publicly by these vicious human beings on numerous occasions because they felt I did not handle the falling out with my former best friend properly.

It's funny to me that I quit speaking to him because he, himself, slandered my named online and in person to each of his friends and months later, I am still dealing with his stories and accusations.  There are two very very mouthy people in town that continue to surface and I can't agree with them more that it's best I'm not associated with him anymore... what they've been told is not true, but being salacious wins in this town I've learned.

This past Friday evening took the cake as I was trying to have a talk with a friend of mine.  I was not in a very good mood after hearing a very honest response to approaching someone about possibly dating them. From that point on, my entire night involved over-drinking, too many energies flying my way and my eventual and desperate need to go home.

Leaving a bar intoxicated and angry is not a smart decision.  Nor is using social media to vent your problems you're having.

I'm not upset that "my crush" didn't want to be with me, I'm saddened that the evening continued to snowball into a mix of anger and jealousy.  

I know there are other people interested in him and it urks me to think and to know I will not be the one holding his hand during the holiday season.  Oh well.  Move on, right?

My other conflict is that I adore him to pieces as a person.  I wanted to ask him if we were ever going ot date before I REALLY started to catch deeper feelings for him.  I could give him space, but that's not gonna fly.  I'm sad we won't be romantically linked, but I am happy to know such a smart, witty person.  I don't want to be the drunk friend that lost his shit at the bar, so I have to make the situation better.... I don't know how yet.  Hopefully, he understands that I am human and have the right to feel the way I do.

On to more business: a local awards show came again this year and it's the first year I was not nominated.  I'm quite hurt by this as I don't feel there was a fair count of nominations and I don't feel that it was fairly put together by the organization that counted the votes.

Rumor has it that I could have BOUGHT my nomination as some salons, businesses and individuals did.  There is even rumor of someone shutting me out and buying out my votes for the mere fact to guarantee a SNUB at the awards ceremony.

I don't know what the last two weeks has taught me!

Am I a glutton for punishment by putting too much interest in what others think of me? 

or ...

Am I being attacked?

I think it's a pure mix of both.

Love lost -that's one thing.  I can move on and wait for it to find me, but truth is, I'm very tired and very jaded thanks to an ex or two that left me with ZERO trust in the romance department.  It is absolutely agonizing to talk about it.

Awards- you know what? I have many.  I also have a fucking amazing career.  I don't need a paper, a plaque or anyone's approval to know I fucking matter.  My business is through the roof right now!  Absolutely amazing clients grace my books and that's what matters.  I'm also on fire right now with booked comedy gigs and still getting invited to the biggest, most elaborate functions in this area and industry wide.  

I've said it once, twice and many times: I have a PERFORMER's schedule.  Always a place to be and always people to entertain and schmooze with.

Reputation- I did not do myself any justice this weekend when it comes to reputation.  Word is that I'm "intimidating" and "boisterous".

To me, those are perception.  People that know me don't say shit like that.  People that are LOOKING IN to my life have another view of some person they've read about and heard about.  They could never and WOULD never be good friends to me or anyone.

For once in my life I feel defeated.  The ego can only take so much of a beating.  Frankly, I don't want to stroke the fires anymore and wish to move on silently.  

If that means no more texting friends, so be it, but I don't think punishing them will do anything except reflect how hurt I feel.  Right now, I need my friends.

Taking a break from my life is no longer an option.  In the past, I would go on these "hiatuses" called "JRy Hiatus".  I'm tired of those.

Something everyone is going to have to understand is that I am here! 

I have to follow my advice I give others almost daily: "wake up, say thank you, put your make up on, do your hair and get dressed and seize the day."

Sometimes, I hate LISTENING to my own advice....

I was telling my mom that from time to time in my life and career, I have felt like a dark angel who's wings have been ripped off repeatedly.  Every time I am thrown from Heaven, I come back stronger and wiser and with much larger wings that carry me further than the Heavens and I will NOT stop til I am so far up that only the stars will be my friends.

Take that for what you will, but I'm flapping now....

Respectfully,

J

Inside Studio JRy: To my fairy godmother, Joan Rivers.

Good morning friends,

It's about 2:30 am on a Thursday morning.  

I had a wonderful day in the salon, no really.  It was fabulous.  Today was a day of Guest Artistry at another salon I do a lot of work with.

I have so much fun hanging out and working in other salons that are not my own.  I often refer to them as my "field trips".  It's kind of like when you go to your friends home and you want to help them do dishes or help out in their kitchen.  Why on Earth would you want to?  

Because it breaks up the everyday monotony of living our daily lives, that's why.

Today I had some fabulous color clients and a wonderful lunch with a long-time client of mine and each new guest that came in today was incredibly happy with color.  I can't ask for more, you know?

Wednesday nights have turned into comedy nights for me doing open mics and performing stand-up comedy.  I love it so much, but between Guest Artistry and having to catch up on office work, I had to duck out tonight and be a responsible business owner.  Sometimes that blows, ya know? LOL.

I have to tell you that I have enjoyed calming down a bit because my summer was 4 months of non-stop, balls to the walls bookings.  I am so incredibly grateful to The Creator and my clientele for the opportunity to serve them and be in business!  Really! I am.

Do any of you remember the age you were when you started to take a panoramic view of your life and say, "it's okay to take a day away?"

I think I'm hitting that age when I have realized staying home,  cooking and yes, even doing my own dishes is good for me. 

In my spoiled, privileged little world of assistants, housekeepers, florists and paid-for trips, I look forward to sometimes being a real person.  Then, I wake up the next day to appreciating all I've been given.

One of my main influences and main mentors Joan Rivers recently passed away and I have to tell you that I have been thinking a lot about our time together and the blessing I had of working with a comedy and style legend. She was so fun and so polite.  She was not brash and was not rude, she had manners and treated everyone equally. 

You never wanted to cross Joansie though because she'd publicly annihilate you.  

She has a scene in her 2010 documentary "Piece of Work" where she says that for 47 years there had been a car downstairs waiting for her and for 47 years she never had to worry about anything.  She had ups and downs, she had to file for bankruptcy after Edgar's suicide and deal with Melissa not talking to her and lost major contracts because "nobody wanted to hear from the comedienne that lost her husband to suicide."

She was truly one of the most thankful people I ever met and was one of the hardest working people I ever knew.  She never wanted to retire.

The night before she went into cardiac arrest, she was playing a small comedy gig in New York and she had intentions of filming more "Fashion Police" and working with Jerry Seinfeld on the second season of his TV show that interviews comedians.

Before meeting Joan, I had a time-limit on projects.  After that, I learned you could work and enjoy your work into your 80s.  She really meant the world to me after that.

I still cry thinking about the moments we exchanged stories and jokes.  It was a riot!  My nervous little hand worked on her hair and I had so much fun listening to her candid honesty.

When you hear someone say, "listen to your elders", I truly learned that lesson working with Joan.  She talked, you fucking listened!

More life experience than me, more ups, downs and extraordinary opportunities given to her than many of you reading this.  

So, in my calmest moments, I can hear Joan telling me to enjoy the night at home and to get my ass back up and working and thanking God for every opportunity.

I don't have a car waiting for me every morning, but I do have a lot of people waiting for me daily and I have not had to beg a person to sit in my chair in many many years... at least eight years. I've been published, I've won awards for both my writing and color work and have had the opportunity to host events and work in media as a personality.  

Thank you Joan.  I will never stop.

And thank you to all of you that are reading this now.  Thank you for allowing me to sit in my beautiful home and type this on a new Mac while listening to commercial-free paid radio.  Without you, this all disappears.

Warmth,

Josh

PS: I miss you Joansie.  Thank you for being my fairy godmother.

Inside Studio JRy: #30on30

Good morning friends,

It's literally 4:30 am as I type this. I swore I was going to go back to bed, but I have to tell you that it was not my intention to fall asleep tonight after work.  I got home about 7pm and fell asleep in front of the TV.  I was supposed to head out to an open-mic and practice some comedy, but sadly Mister Sandman won.

I have had so much fun getting to know the men involved in comedy.  There are few women as well, but there are a few individuals in the group that I have began bonding with and forming friendships I never thought would happen.

It's funny to me to see how things have changed and see to where things are at in my life.

Recently, I celebrated my 30th birthday.  Now, to the public I have been 30/31 for the past three years or so because I don't answer specifics when answering questions, but I did kind of make it a big deal that my 30th was this year and I wanted it to be something completely polar opposite than my celebratory 20s.

I can vividly recall my favorite birthday of my 20s being at age 24 and I had bottle service, a full cocktail party and dinner at an exclusive lounge and a custom-DJ set.  It was a very expensive party, but I felt that that was what the "Rockstar Stylist" life was about.  After that birthday, all the next ones in a row were horrible disasters and last year came to a screeching halt when I was told that the person I was interested in was not interested in me minutes after having dinner with my family.

Can you even imagine?  

Beyond heartbreak.

So, this whole past year I had told my mom "no birthday, no birthday".  No presents, no party, no dinner, no nothing...

You know what? That's exactly what happened.  A lot of people found it bittersweet or a melancholy attempt to accept the age of 30, but of course, my Twitter obsessed ass had to hashtag #30on30.

This year was balls to the walls busy as my birthday fell on a Saturday and I just could not imagine saying no to all those wonderful color clients of mine.  

I worked so hard on Saturday, I was double-booked back to back most of the day and got home.  I stopped at the deli on the way and got a turkey sandwich and celebrated with a turkey sandwich and a nap.  ooooh... fun!

After a reapplication of powder, I set off to my favorite watering whole that I am often seen at.

I sat at the bar and was surprised that it was not busy. (my birthday luck, right?)

Just as Garbo walked into her first speaking scene and ordered a whisky, I sat down and ordered a club soda and began to contemplate what libation was gonna take me into Sunday morning last-call.

From behind me came a set of hands and a "happy birthday!" - a very excited one at that.

I turned around and it was my crush.

SIDENOTE: Let me back up and tell you that I have not talked about this much because it's not anything big.  I have been getting to know a very smart 21-year old guy that is sweet and smart.  We are not dating, but I would be interested in dating him.  We have not discussed it seriously, but I know he knows.  Also, he's okay with that.  Time will only tell what we are whether it's friends, more than a crush or acquaintances. I certainly DO NOT want to be acquaintances.  For all literary purposes and blogs, he shall be known as "my crush" or "my friend, the crush".

BACK TO STORY......

I was so happy he showed up as I had invited him out for drinks.  We talked and joked and talked and joked and ate late night food and continued on. 

My friend that owns the bar joined us with a few drinks and we welcomed the midnight hour talking, laughing and being friendly. I really, honestly couldn't have asked for more.

My friend the bartender knows I like this guy.  He was also having a labor day tea party.  I took a chance and asked "my friend, the crush" if he wanted to go with me.  He said yes.

As last call came and I was finally feeling all my drinks settle, my friend took me home and asked me how my birthday was and honestly, I answered: "a calm delight".

I loved it.

As the labor day party approached, I was awkwardly excited to attend my friends party and have my friend, the crush meet people.  I know it was probably a little awkward for him and he was very well aware that I was happy to have him there.  

My friend the bartender, that hosted the party with his partner was very kind and loves talking to my crush.  They have become friends and I know that no matter what, we love hanging out.  The more the merrier.

So, what I can tell you about greeting 30 is that I have learned I don't want to be like my 20s.  I was always spending more money than I had and getting too drunk and saying stupid shit or holding in my feelings from the one I was with or was pursuing.  

I have made a vow that I don't want to be that person anymore.  

It's crazy for those that know me because as most of you have picked up even in my writing is that I don't hide details or have secrets, but know that my private life is very private and I don't discuss the behind-the-scenes actions of my loved ones.  It's not fair to them. 

In fact, writing this much about "The crush" is kind of pushing it for me, but I just want him to know how complimentary it is to me that he has gotten to know me and that I enjoy hanging out with him.

My vows in my 30s are the following:

-say yes to every opportunity, without prejudice.

-listen before I speak.

-walk away from conflict and discuss later.. over wine.

-tell people how you REALLY FEEL about them (this is good and bad).

-try not to get involved in salacious gossip.... and do not create it.

-take time away from the public.

-live passionately.  Time goes fuckin' fast.

-be authentic.

-be a better brother and a better friend.

Anyway, to the two men that celebrated my birthday with me, thank you.  I adore you both.  

Here's to #30on30

-josh

Inside Studio JRy: The Glass House called "Josh"

Hi my friends,

How are you?  It's about 1:30 am as I sit and type this.

I have to tell you, this day was busy busy busy.  In fact, if I had three words to describe my life: it would be "busy busy busy".

For me, there's much involved in owning a small business and maintaining a busy clientele.  I have to tell you: it's been rather liberating not focusing on outside work like educating for a major brand or managing interns, etc.

I find it sad sometimes that I haven't had the MONUMENTAL breakout I thought I would at 30, but truly, to be known in my community and to be able to make a difference is what matters to me at this time in my life.

Tonight was really awesome because I literally got to come home and make some food and relax.  I brought some paperwork with me to work on, but before that, I sat down and turned on a guided meditation.  In the midst of a deep moment where I could literally feel my soul swirling around my body (think of the times you feel you've had an out of body experience), I received a message from a friend needing some help.

I finished my meditation and placed my mala beads on the table and looked at my message.  It was one of those messages that conjure feelings of compassion and a small sense of urgency to know what's up at that exact moment.

I called my friend and got the scoop.  About an hour later, my friend met me at my home.  As many of you know, I rarely let people into my home.  I am super protective of my space.  I felt the guard go down and felt at this time it was NOT my job to be a talker, but to listen.  I just feel this deep need from the universe lately to breathe deeply and listen.

Last week, even though busy, it was somewhat challenging.  I can't elaborate much, but to let you know that I had a screaming match with a former friend and client.  It was late at night and I felt that the person came in with a very apparent need to attack me verbally.  After a couple drinks in my system and in his, it became a commercial for a horrible Bravo show and I yelled back at him as he screamed to me the words "egotistical", "dick", "prick", "diva", "high maintenance".

He expressed to me that I am not relatable and that I am hard to get along with.  This is NOT a new evaluation of me.  I never knew a person that was powerful in their career or community that was prominent that was not hard to get along with.  I think about people I admire like Vidal Sassoon, Madonna and Martha Stewart.  All of these famous faces built empires and it was not because they were easy pills to swallow.

Nothing comes of people easy to get along with.  Honestly, to make a difference and have a mission statement, you MUST have standards and MUST be a ball-buster.  I didn't say you had to be rude and off-putting, but having integrity has gotten the above three major notoriety in their chosen fields.

I refuse to think that just because I live in Pueblo, Colorado and work out of a private studio that I am any less important than Vidal, Madonna or Martha.

I personally think my ex-client was having a hard day, we both had a lot to drink and he came in ready to attack because he had a hard day and had to lay it on someone.  I was the someone.

Sadly, as this situation presented itself, I didn't feel I acted appropriately since I hold myself on such a pedestal of class and etiquette, but I do believe that if someone attacks you, you HAVE THE RIGHT to attack back.  HE or SHE must fire the first punch or verbal attack and then it's gloves off to annihilation.  This may not be the most peaceful way of dealing with people or conflict, but I believe that in every situation there is a winner and loser and I believe it's all based on perception.

Looking at this as a third-party, I don't think anyone won.  I see two drunk, dominant men having a pissing contest.  I left the bar and went home.  This man attacked my Twitter account and business number with derogatory messages.

Did I take the high road? No.  But I removed myself from the situation.  I do believe in my heart I dealt with it better and the messages I received show that I removed myself from further engaging in stupidity and elementary behavior.

As I evaluated this situation and saw my actions this past weekend, I have always known and have always said to people, I know I'm tired and fatigued if I drink heavily.  This past weekend was no exception. I hate the feeling of over drinking.  We've all done it and all made asses of ourselves, but I have learned to recognize this behavior as the years have gone by.

If I'm yelling in bars, it's time to take a break.  So tonight was a welcome break.  Sometimes sitting at home and making meals for the week (and freezing some) make my day so much better. Yes, I am the happy homemaker at home believe it or not.  I love prepping menus and working in my kitchen, it's calming to me.

I also love talking to my friends.

This man's behavior and comments towards me are so far from actually knowing who I am behind the facade and image I have branded for myself.  He thinks of me as difficult when really I am a good friend and a good son.  He just hasn't proven to me that he should see inside the glass house called "Josh Cooley".  That is a holy place for people I deem holy enough to enter.

His hurt toward me is a reflection of me not making a genuine connection with him beyond drinks or a haircuts.  It would piss me off too.

Although, when I think of what Vidal, Madonna, Martha or even my deep inner integrity would say, I can gladly and confidently tell you: I'm not for everyone.  One day he'll realize that.  I'm not open to everyone and my guard is up because I have no time for people that use hurtful words and brash behavior directed exclusively at me to get my attention.

I don't have to try that hard to get attention.  Besides, my own attention is reserved to my business and closest confidantes.

Much love,

Josh 

Inside Studio JRy: Late Night Thoughts

Happy wee hours of the morning to you friends,

It is about 2am as I sit in my living room at Studio JRy and type.

It's so funny to me when a late night surge of energy comes to me and conjures so many random thoughts, feelings and ambitions.

I am neither a night owl nor a morning person, I'm just Josh and Joshes (if you're not familiar) like to stay up late, sleep a few hours and wake early and cook breakfast and read their Twitter feeds. LOL, but truly, there is no stopping me especially after a crusher of a day (like the one I had yesterday)!

Too many times, someone will ask me when I make time for myself and truly it's the late nights like this that I am truly calm.  Right now, I'm sipping iced coffee and almond milk.  Don't worry! It's not as much coffee as you're thinking; there's more coffee-flavoring than anything spiking my organic almond beverage.

Today, my new computer arrived and truly, I had been kind of sad since my last one took a shit about a year ago.  I've maintained blogging on iPads, but truly there is nothing like a keyboard to really get me going! Vroom-vroom....

I recently invested/gifted myself a MacBook for the sake of blogging, writing more material for comedy, editing my draft formally of my manuscript and loading in a much-needed version of quickbooks (at the request of my accountant).

Blogging has always been a part of my life.  I look at 2014 though and see that the entries were not as constant and that people had lost some interest in "Rockstar Slums" even though it has 31,000 readers.  Yes- you read that figure correctly!

After approximately 500 blog entires, I am shutting the door on my product reviews and beauty favorites.  The magazine-style of writing on "Rockstar Slums" no longer thrills me nor does it get the feedback this blog gets.

In 2012, my then-best friend named the blog and since we had our falling out, I cannot bring myself to open that site up or even write anymore.  It reminds me of him and all our fights and our unfortunate falling out.

I rarely stop doing something because someone "hurt" my feelings, but honestly, I can't deal with how much he hurt me everytime I have a fucking flashback while reviewing lipstick, face masks and books I'm reading.  That kind of jaded feeling is like a pair of handcuffs that someone placed on as a practical joke or in a sense of vindictiveness.

I really do believe saying goodbye to all those eyes will only be a break as I have a new project up my sleeve for 2015. I'm sure you're going to enjoy the new project that hits the internet close to Valentine's Day.

As for ex-besty, I'm sure he's not reading anymore, but I don't want anymore credit given to him or anymore reminders. He's moved on and I haven't fully yet and this is a step I have to take for my own well-being.

Comedy is so much fun, friends!  I never wanted to Joan Rivers or Dean Martin, but they are both inspirations to me.

I recently got booked as a featured comedian in September for an event and cannot wait!  I have 10 whole minutes of comedy awaiting me.  10 minutes in the comedy world is a VERY long time.  Between weekly open-mics and prepping for this event plus my fourth year of presenting and judging at Dancing with the Pueblo Starz, I cannot think of a adding blogs at this time or even focusing on closing one site down officially. It's been fun going onstage and spitting silly words at people.

The fact that people listen and like me is still beyond me.  I have a very direct style of talking about sex, gayisms, poor people and weight problems.  It's not everyone's cup of tea, but they sure are drinking the Cooley Kool-Aid these days!

....it feels good.



The salon is doing amazingly well and I cannot tell you how many times I have thanked the Universe, Jesus, Krishna and my guests for the abundance I have received.

I really believe (brace yourself, spirituality coming) that The Creator gives us moments to shine when our hearts are deeply wounded and broken.

Andrew walking out of my life was devastating to me. We both were nasty to each other and will point the finger at one another still.  I simply didn't speak to him anymore and he made it very clear on the internet and to many sources he did not care for me or my friendship anymore.  It was real blow, friends.

All the energy that goes into crying and sulking went into my business.  Lucille Ball and Greta Garbo are notorious actresses that both said it was work that got them through difficulties in their personal lives.  I believe that whole-heartedly.

I think my adjustments, improvements and major success as of late can be contributed to the negative energy in the form of a man walking out of my life.  I should thank him, but I feel like that's giving him too much glory at this time.

Recently aware of his moving to another city, I attempted to congratulate him and he just stood there stiff lipped and made me feel like shit.

I shortly left the establishment we both "coincidentally" happened to be in and knew at that point the nail was in the coffin.

I heard from a friend he asked about me, but does not want to be friends ever again.

Talk about hatefulness and solitude.

The solitude I long for is for concentration only, not hate. His is full of vindictiveness.

Oh friends... what more to say? I wish I could share my success with someone, but right now, this silence, these transitions, the abundance is a lesson I will master.

God throws curve balls and thankfully I had my glove on and was ready to catch. Each time I slip and pick myself up, I can feel him pat me on the back and say "good one", "good game", "let's do it again".  There is no "hit the showers" for me.

I haven't gotten dirty enough yet to be sent away.

I guess I just wanted to take this moment of vulnerability to tell you what's on my brain.

Wow! All that from sipping almond milk?

Not too bad.

-Josh