Inside Studio JRy: 2014 Taught me to Forgive and Move On (now 2015 is about growing...)

Happy Chanukah,  Happy Christmas, Happy Boxing Day, Happy New Year to you all!

I have to tell you all that this year was whirlwind of change and accomplishments on another level.  I can't even begin to think about what made this year so special, but it was very transformative.  

I always looks back on blogs posted approximentally a year prior and compare where I was a year before.  I do this TWICE a year.  The first at Rosh Hashanah and then again at the traditional New Year after Christmas Day has passed.

What I find is that all my spiritual tasks and mindsets are reset during Rosh Hashanah as they should be and that I go through a three-and-a-half month transformation during the High Holy Days, secular and Christian holidays that gets me off-course a bit and teaches me more about myself than most lessons studied in text books.

This past three-and-a-half months have taught me about forgiveness and how to be completely bare and open with truth that lies underneath each word, each deed and each person's interaction with me.

I feel like there has been a calm period in my life for once in my life and that I owe most of the credit to myself, really, for shutting up and listening to God and The Universe and telling everyone else to go fly a kite.

I have separated, I have dated, I have been broken, I have fallen in love and STILL maintained a successful business, grown my business and learned to take time for me... FINALLY!!

1. This year was the big separation from Andrew after six years of friendship and many arguments and many intellectual talks that has left me wanting to never speak to him ever again.  He's not a priority.  He is who he is.  I don't ever want to rekindle that connection as friends.  It's okay.  Really. 

2. I dated this year for once in my life when I always relied on never giving anyone any chances and realized that even after giving chances, some people are just unsure of what they want in life.  I can't help those people and after falling in love, I can say that the lesson lies in "moving on".

I'm so glad I took the opportunity to date, really.  I wouldn't have been open to The Mister if I hadn't.

3. I am the king of what it feels like to be broken.  Broken is okay.  Melancholy kind of feels good, but being broken for more than three days and constant despair is a bad look on anyone.  I have learned this by watching my own family members suffer from depression that causes anger and denial.  I don't want to be that person at all unless someone passes away and even then, I have learned there is a dawn to all the darkness.

4. This year I fell in deep down, true, passionate love.  Who knew cynical, judgmental, sarcastic me would ever fall in love?  Well, it happened.  I also learned that if you want to love someone fully you have to FULLY be available to them.  I love him, he loves me,  it's been a beautiful transition and my life has changed... for the better.

5. Business grew RIDICULOUSLY this year!  For once, I was able to give presents I wanted at Christmas, donate to charity, donate to political campaigns and sponsor events without blinking.  Well, maybe I blinked, but I wrote the check and moved on.  Things were very good at the salon, the blog world calmed down a bit as I took time to branch out into comedy performances, podcasts and juggling an active and selective social life on my terms this year.

6. For once, I learned how to take time for me.  Yes, time for ME!  The main struggle in my life has been taking time for ME. Years of writing, touring, doing hair, owning a brand, owning a location, performing and public speaking left me with nearly NO TIME in my twenties, but to drink when I was bored and take part in irritating feuds with peasants.  

I have no time for that.  I have a successful business, live as a successful writer and performer, am sought-after and have learned to dip out of the social scene from time to time because I needed to.  

This year as taught me to value me more and to live by the following philosophy when someone crosses you:

"THEY ARE NOT MY PROBLEM TO HAVE."

Time to move into 2015 with The Mister, a new living arrangement (he's moving in) and focus on growing my Rocktars and Lambs, LTD empire.  

Look out 2015, I'm flexing my creative muscle this year! 

xoxo - j.

Inside Studio JRy: Thinking outside yourself...

Good evening friends,

How are you?

It's about 10:15 pm on a Monday evening as I type this.  Colorado is cold this time of year and not even as chilly as it possibly can or WILL be in the next couple weeks and months.  

Tonight, I was invited to a wine tasting and opted out to work on my third year of my toy drive and filling out Christmas cards.

There's something about this time of year that brings people closer to their sense of selflessness and selfishness.  I can see who is a giver and who is a taker in this world as soon as Black Friday rolls around.  

For me, Christmas was all about being together, cooking and talking growing up.  Presents were, of course, present, but not the focus.

As I got older and technology became more fluent in households, it was clear to see who was just being material and who actually had a connection to their family or something outside of themselves as they approached that glorious 25th day in December.  

For me, as I've gotten older, I've learned to pull-back on my gift-giving and give back to my community.  I have a philosophy: take care of yourself and THEN help take care of others.  Also, when you are blessed immensely, you should share what you have.

Last year, my toy drive provided over 200 homes with gifts for children.  I couldn't believe the numbers.  I would have been happy if even three kids had toys, ya know?

We had so many toys come in, I had enough to donate to two different non-profit organizations.  It was remarkable.

This year is also different because I have someone special to spend the holidays with.  I pinch myself sometimes because I can't believe that things are falling into place.  The other thing I have noticed is that as soon as I blink my eyes, things can change and they DO!

This past week was Thanksgiving and I have to tell you, it was one of the most low-key holidays I've ever had.  It was also very stressful as I brought The Mister home for the holidays.  It was the first time either my sister or I had brought a significant other to the family gathering. 

It felt right, friends.  I felt absolutely perfect.

As I reflect back on this last week and taking time away from the salon and look back at the past month of taking time away from the social scene and deciding to stay in a little more and not drink as much as not worry about people that aren't worrying about me as much: I have to tell you, things are starting to balance out.  

Crazy how life evens itself out, ya know?

Now... time to work on getting some toys for those kids...

-j

Inside Studio JRy: The Mister

Good evening my gorgeous friends!

I'm sitting here sipping German seltzer water and looking over the past week.  I can honestly say: well played Universe!

We had a fabulous week in the salon and a decent week out and about. I learned a lot about myself just as I do on a weekly basis and YES, it's weekly for me! HAHA.

It's funny how things in our lives change, you know?

If you've kept up on the internet at all, you will know that I took a bit of a comedy hiatus from performing for a month and have been working on new material for the 2015 year.  Also, it's the holiday season and I rarely (I mean that) work on anything besides the holiday season that doesn't involve my family.

This last five weeks has been a welcome change of pace as I've welcomed someone new into my life and have taken the time to duck out and work on building a 100% honest, in-your-face, truly in love relationship.

I met The Mister a couple months back and he approached me to start dating and seeing each other exclusively about five weeks ago.  I didn't talk about it at first, but I did tell the ones closest to me how excited I was to embark on this journey.

I made a vow when I turned 30 NOT TO ACT as I did in my 20s and one thing I always did in my twenties was date cheaters.  God, how I hate cheaters! I realized that I was the reason for the cycle in my life and I began opening myself up to the possibility of dating again this past summer.

You have to understand that dating for me is not having random sexual escapades or sexting or even uttering those words to someone.  I believe in courting someone and being as old world as you can in our oversexualized culture.  I can't stand promiscuity and DO NOT practice that.  So, as I began approaching the idea of dating, I aptly re-labled the prospect as "Finding a partner" in my head.  I was not looking for an easy fuck or a holiday boyfriend, I was looking for true love and I was looking for honesty.

The Mister approached ME.  This was something so different as I have NEVER been approached by anyone. In the past, I always did the chasing.  I took the plunge and have never been happier.

Alot of people made comments that my comedy wouldn't be funny and that I would lose friends, well let me clarify that people that speak like that are incredibly jealous and should open their eyes to the world around them.  

It was time to take a break and incubate as a writer (both blogging and comedy).  Also, I have included my friends in this new transition and I have had a handful of back-handed compliments and some full-on lovely support.  Frankly, I am happy and won't listen to negative people.  They all fish themselves out anyway...

If I had to describe my relationship, I would say: I found the Gavin (Rossdale) to my Gwen (Stefani).  I think they're sweet, attractive and like to stay away from the tabloids! 

For nearly a decade, I have been an internet success, a beauty industry success and a local celebrity.  I will always be those titles to everyone, but to be with my partner is the most amazing feeling at home because no matter what is going on OUT THERE, I know there is no way it can affect our relationship.

As a very public persona, I can tell you that I guarantee that blogging, comedy and my salon life have not lost any speed or timing for success, but I did find it very healthy to shut off my iphone, ipad and social media (as well as my social life) to nurture this new bond I have grown so fond of and intend on making permanent.

I want to tell anyone out there in a fresh relationship the following:

Always know this- people have opinions.  They have the right to feel how they feel both happy and sad, both ecstatic and both jaded.  Don't shoo them away, just let them come back when they're ready to accept your life transition to being someone's significant other.

Secondly and lastly- block out the world and listen to your partner.  Make sure everything the pair of you do is something you want for both and be sure to be your own person even as a couple.  That's the only way you will find happiness in being together.

I love you all for reading and welcome you to my life as I transition to life as the other half to my Mister....

xox- j.

Inside Studio JRy: Did you make the cut?

Good morning friends!

It's about 4:30 am as I type this!

What a night I had!

Wow wow wow! Happy Hour turned into happy night without my knowledge.

All I remember is going home and waking up in my bed.  That's all.

So, now it's 4:30 and I feel rested as I drink alkaline water (yes, I do stuff like that).

I was thinking about a lot of stuff: I have to tell you, I am incredibly concerned about my health all the time.  NOT in a bad way! Don't get me wrong, this last six months has been a journey! 

When you move on from a key person in your life like an ex or a best friend that no longer speaks to you, you start to rebalance your life if it shakes the very core of who you are.

For me, it was giving up meat. It was giving up depending on others and it was me throwing myself into my work.

I laugh at heartbreak these days because I know my habits when I'm upset.  I tend to overbuy items like bottled water and yogurt and vow never to eat meat again. LOL.  It's all very silly in grand scheme of things, it really is.

I feel like I've had a major re-balance in my life as I've hit an echelon others find monotonous or even obnoxious.  People have told me to take a break, people have told me I seem happier, people have told me I seem distant and some people have even said I seem to have it all.

The truth is: I'm very blessed.

As melancholy as I sound at times, I have to say that I don't ever purposely mean to be that way, that's just who I am.  Melancholy is not a bad thing.  Sometimes melancholy is a way of being a realist in a world where people are incredibly fake.

I can't tell you how many fake-ass people I have had around me in the last decade, but I'm glad that they keep their distance.  I can't possibly deal with someone that "pretends" to live a perfect life or have a perfect facade. I believe in the beauty of imperfection and I believe in the wholeness of being alone.

For me, those have been the only two traits in me and in many others that I know to be true.  For others looking into my life, it seems like snobbery or discrimination, but they don't understand that I hold snobbery and discrimination at high value levels in life because it means that you have standards.

That's where I'm at in my life mentally: re-balancing my standards.

I don't have time for evaluations from dumb people that just don't get me and I frankly do not believe I have to explain myself anymore to anyone.

I re-read my last blog about being "defeated" and I think the vulnerable words that were written by that vulnerable person are just that: honest and uncut.

Maybe that's where I'm at in my life: honest and uncut.

Did YOU make the cut?

-J

Inside Studio JRy: Defeated

Good evening friends,

How has your weekend been?

How has your transition to fall been?

I have to tell you, it's been a difficult two weeks.  Very difficult.

Situations have included: being asked to leave restaurants by bigot owners, being asked to leave organizations, being told I'm not funny, being forgotten and taken for granted, being yelled at in bars and involving my friends have all spiraled to me just wanting to take a break.

I could bore you with each of the above mentioned issues, but it's very hurtful for me at this time to know I'm been blatantly left-out of events, blatantly lied to and blatantly reminded that I am not everyone's favorite person.

It's been a good six months of transformation since I said goodbye to Andrew being in my life, but it has been a roller-coaster with his friends since he moved.  I have repeatedly been attacked verbally and publicly by these vicious human beings on numerous occasions because they felt I did not handle the falling out with my former best friend properly.

It's funny to me that I quit speaking to him because he, himself, slandered my named online and in person to each of his friends and months later, I am still dealing with his stories and accusations.  There are two very very mouthy people in town that continue to surface and I can't agree with them more that it's best I'm not associated with him anymore... what they've been told is not true, but being salacious wins in this town I've learned.

This past Friday evening took the cake as I was trying to have a talk with a friend of mine.  I was not in a very good mood after hearing a very honest response to approaching someone about possibly dating them. From that point on, my entire night involved over-drinking, too many energies flying my way and my eventual and desperate need to go home.

Leaving a bar intoxicated and angry is not a smart decision.  Nor is using social media to vent your problems you're having.

I'm not upset that "my crush" didn't want to be with me, I'm saddened that the evening continued to snowball into a mix of anger and jealousy.  

I know there are other people interested in him and it urks me to think and to know I will not be the one holding his hand during the holiday season.  Oh well.  Move on, right?

My other conflict is that I adore him to pieces as a person.  I wanted to ask him if we were ever going ot date before I REALLY started to catch deeper feelings for him.  I could give him space, but that's not gonna fly.  I'm sad we won't be romantically linked, but I am happy to know such a smart, witty person.  I don't want to be the drunk friend that lost his shit at the bar, so I have to make the situation better.... I don't know how yet.  Hopefully, he understands that I am human and have the right to feel the way I do.

On to more business: a local awards show came again this year and it's the first year I was not nominated.  I'm quite hurt by this as I don't feel there was a fair count of nominations and I don't feel that it was fairly put together by the organization that counted the votes.

Rumor has it that I could have BOUGHT my nomination as some salons, businesses and individuals did.  There is even rumor of someone shutting me out and buying out my votes for the mere fact to guarantee a SNUB at the awards ceremony.

I don't know what the last two weeks has taught me!

Am I a glutton for punishment by putting too much interest in what others think of me? 

or ...

Am I being attacked?

I think it's a pure mix of both.

Love lost -that's one thing.  I can move on and wait for it to find me, but truth is, I'm very tired and very jaded thanks to an ex or two that left me with ZERO trust in the romance department.  It is absolutely agonizing to talk about it.

Awards- you know what? I have many.  I also have a fucking amazing career.  I don't need a paper, a plaque or anyone's approval to know I fucking matter.  My business is through the roof right now!  Absolutely amazing clients grace my books and that's what matters.  I'm also on fire right now with booked comedy gigs and still getting invited to the biggest, most elaborate functions in this area and industry wide.  

I've said it once, twice and many times: I have a PERFORMER's schedule.  Always a place to be and always people to entertain and schmooze with.

Reputation- I did not do myself any justice this weekend when it comes to reputation.  Word is that I'm "intimidating" and "boisterous".

To me, those are perception.  People that know me don't say shit like that.  People that are LOOKING IN to my life have another view of some person they've read about and heard about.  They could never and WOULD never be good friends to me or anyone.

For once in my life I feel defeated.  The ego can only take so much of a beating.  Frankly, I don't want to stroke the fires anymore and wish to move on silently.  

If that means no more texting friends, so be it, but I don't think punishing them will do anything except reflect how hurt I feel.  Right now, I need my friends.

Taking a break from my life is no longer an option.  In the past, I would go on these "hiatuses" called "JRy Hiatus".  I'm tired of those.

Something everyone is going to have to understand is that I am here! 

I have to follow my advice I give others almost daily: "wake up, say thank you, put your make up on, do your hair and get dressed and seize the day."

Sometimes, I hate LISTENING to my own advice....

I was telling my mom that from time to time in my life and career, I have felt like a dark angel who's wings have been ripped off repeatedly.  Every time I am thrown from Heaven, I come back stronger and wiser and with much larger wings that carry me further than the Heavens and I will NOT stop til I am so far up that only the stars will be my friends.

Take that for what you will, but I'm flapping now....

Respectfully,

J

Inside Studio JRy: To my fairy godmother, Joan Rivers.

Good morning friends,

It's about 2:30 am on a Thursday morning.  

I had a wonderful day in the salon, no really.  It was fabulous.  Today was a day of Guest Artistry at another salon I do a lot of work with.

I have so much fun hanging out and working in other salons that are not my own.  I often refer to them as my "field trips".  It's kind of like when you go to your friends home and you want to help them do dishes or help out in their kitchen.  Why on Earth would you want to?  

Because it breaks up the everyday monotony of living our daily lives, that's why.

Today I had some fabulous color clients and a wonderful lunch with a long-time client of mine and each new guest that came in today was incredibly happy with color.  I can't ask for more, you know?

Wednesday nights have turned into comedy nights for me doing open mics and performing stand-up comedy.  I love it so much, but between Guest Artistry and having to catch up on office work, I had to duck out tonight and be a responsible business owner.  Sometimes that blows, ya know? LOL.

I have to tell you that I have enjoyed calming down a bit because my summer was 4 months of non-stop, balls to the walls bookings.  I am so incredibly grateful to The Creator and my clientele for the opportunity to serve them and be in business!  Really! I am.

Do any of you remember the age you were when you started to take a panoramic view of your life and say, "it's okay to take a day away?"

I think I'm hitting that age when I have realized staying home,  cooking and yes, even doing my own dishes is good for me. 

In my spoiled, privileged little world of assistants, housekeepers, florists and paid-for trips, I look forward to sometimes being a real person.  Then, I wake up the next day to appreciating all I've been given.

One of my main influences and main mentors Joan Rivers recently passed away and I have to tell you that I have been thinking a lot about our time together and the blessing I had of working with a comedy and style legend. She was so fun and so polite.  She was not brash and was not rude, she had manners and treated everyone equally. 

You never wanted to cross Joansie though because she'd publicly annihilate you.  

She has a scene in her 2010 documentary "Piece of Work" where she says that for 47 years there had been a car downstairs waiting for her and for 47 years she never had to worry about anything.  She had ups and downs, she had to file for bankruptcy after Edgar's suicide and deal with Melissa not talking to her and lost major contracts because "nobody wanted to hear from the comedienne that lost her husband to suicide."

She was truly one of the most thankful people I ever met and was one of the hardest working people I ever knew.  She never wanted to retire.

The night before she went into cardiac arrest, she was playing a small comedy gig in New York and she had intentions of filming more "Fashion Police" and working with Jerry Seinfeld on the second season of his TV show that interviews comedians.

Before meeting Joan, I had a time-limit on projects.  After that, I learned you could work and enjoy your work into your 80s.  She really meant the world to me after that.

I still cry thinking about the moments we exchanged stories and jokes.  It was a riot!  My nervous little hand worked on her hair and I had so much fun listening to her candid honesty.

When you hear someone say, "listen to your elders", I truly learned that lesson working with Joan.  She talked, you fucking listened!

More life experience than me, more ups, downs and extraordinary opportunities given to her than many of you reading this.  

So, in my calmest moments, I can hear Joan telling me to enjoy the night at home and to get my ass back up and working and thanking God for every opportunity.

I don't have a car waiting for me every morning, but I do have a lot of people waiting for me daily and I have not had to beg a person to sit in my chair in many many years... at least eight years. I've been published, I've won awards for both my writing and color work and have had the opportunity to host events and work in media as a personality.  

Thank you Joan.  I will never stop.

And thank you to all of you that are reading this now.  Thank you for allowing me to sit in my beautiful home and type this on a new Mac while listening to commercial-free paid radio.  Without you, this all disappears.

Warmth,

Josh

PS: I miss you Joansie.  Thank you for being my fairy godmother.

Inside Studio JRy: #30on30

Good morning friends,

It's literally 4:30 am as I type this. I swore I was going to go back to bed, but I have to tell you that it was not my intention to fall asleep tonight after work.  I got home about 7pm and fell asleep in front of the TV.  I was supposed to head out to an open-mic and practice some comedy, but sadly Mister Sandman won.

I have had so much fun getting to know the men involved in comedy.  There are few women as well, but there are a few individuals in the group that I have began bonding with and forming friendships I never thought would happen.

It's funny to me to see how things have changed and see to where things are at in my life.

Recently, I celebrated my 30th birthday.  Now, to the public I have been 30/31 for the past three years or so because I don't answer specifics when answering questions, but I did kind of make it a big deal that my 30th was this year and I wanted it to be something completely polar opposite than my celebratory 20s.

I can vividly recall my favorite birthday of my 20s being at age 24 and I had bottle service, a full cocktail party and dinner at an exclusive lounge and a custom-DJ set.  It was a very expensive party, but I felt that that was what the "Rockstar Stylist" life was about.  After that birthday, all the next ones in a row were horrible disasters and last year came to a screeching halt when I was told that the person I was interested in was not interested in me minutes after having dinner with my family.

Can you even imagine?  

Beyond heartbreak.

So, this whole past year I had told my mom "no birthday, no birthday".  No presents, no party, no dinner, no nothing...

You know what? That's exactly what happened.  A lot of people found it bittersweet or a melancholy attempt to accept the age of 30, but of course, my Twitter obsessed ass had to hashtag #30on30.

This year was balls to the walls busy as my birthday fell on a Saturday and I just could not imagine saying no to all those wonderful color clients of mine.  

I worked so hard on Saturday, I was double-booked back to back most of the day and got home.  I stopped at the deli on the way and got a turkey sandwich and celebrated with a turkey sandwich and a nap.  ooooh... fun!

After a reapplication of powder, I set off to my favorite watering whole that I am often seen at.

I sat at the bar and was surprised that it was not busy. (my birthday luck, right?)

Just as Garbo walked into her first speaking scene and ordered a whisky, I sat down and ordered a club soda and began to contemplate what libation was gonna take me into Sunday morning last-call.

From behind me came a set of hands and a "happy birthday!" - a very excited one at that.

I turned around and it was my crush.

SIDENOTE: Let me back up and tell you that I have not talked about this much because it's not anything big.  I have been getting to know a very smart 21-year old guy that is sweet and smart.  We are not dating, but I would be interested in dating him.  We have not discussed it seriously, but I know he knows.  Also, he's okay with that.  Time will only tell what we are whether it's friends, more than a crush or acquaintances. I certainly DO NOT want to be acquaintances.  For all literary purposes and blogs, he shall be known as "my crush" or "my friend, the crush".

BACK TO STORY......

I was so happy he showed up as I had invited him out for drinks.  We talked and joked and talked and joked and ate late night food and continued on. 

My friend that owns the bar joined us with a few drinks and we welcomed the midnight hour talking, laughing and being friendly. I really, honestly couldn't have asked for more.

My friend the bartender knows I like this guy.  He was also having a labor day tea party.  I took a chance and asked "my friend, the crush" if he wanted to go with me.  He said yes.

As last call came and I was finally feeling all my drinks settle, my friend took me home and asked me how my birthday was and honestly, I answered: "a calm delight".

I loved it.

As the labor day party approached, I was awkwardly excited to attend my friends party and have my friend, the crush meet people.  I know it was probably a little awkward for him and he was very well aware that I was happy to have him there.  

My friend the bartender, that hosted the party with his partner was very kind and loves talking to my crush.  They have become friends and I know that no matter what, we love hanging out.  The more the merrier.

So, what I can tell you about greeting 30 is that I have learned I don't want to be like my 20s.  I was always spending more money than I had and getting too drunk and saying stupid shit or holding in my feelings from the one I was with or was pursuing.  

I have made a vow that I don't want to be that person anymore.  

It's crazy for those that know me because as most of you have picked up even in my writing is that I don't hide details or have secrets, but know that my private life is very private and I don't discuss the behind-the-scenes actions of my loved ones.  It's not fair to them. 

In fact, writing this much about "The crush" is kind of pushing it for me, but I just want him to know how complimentary it is to me that he has gotten to know me and that I enjoy hanging out with him.

My vows in my 30s are the following:

-say yes to every opportunity, without prejudice.

-listen before I speak.

-walk away from conflict and discuss later.. over wine.

-tell people how you REALLY FEEL about them (this is good and bad).

-try not to get involved in salacious gossip.... and do not create it.

-take time away from the public.

-live passionately.  Time goes fuckin' fast.

-be authentic.

-be a better brother and a better friend.

Anyway, to the two men that celebrated my birthday with me, thank you.  I adore you both.  

Here's to #30on30

-josh